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JWD · 22nd April 2009, 05:57 PM

couldn't be helped. I was really looking forward to it but have another in a couple of weeks.

really I wanted a bit of guidance on how to deal with these horrible flash backs I keep having. Mostly it's about when this first happened and I wrote him a ridiculous letter that now feels live grovelling. I had put in it how I had been buying books etc. I know there isn't really anything to be embarrasses about but because I now know about the affair, it makes me feel really stupid and desperate. Keep imagining how he must have found it all so funny to read me pouring my heart out and all along he knew what was happening. I can remember him laughing when I wondered if he was depressed or having some sort of crisis but really that was my only option left what to think because he kept saying there was no affair and that I annoyed him by thinking there was.

Flashback 2.

Him bringing that friend home the second week it happened and them laughing and discussing prostitutes and strippers while I was right there. and them talking about how all women are mad and money grabbing cows.

Flashback 3

When I confronted him with the truth how he still lied and said was only a kiss and when I said I was telling her partner he said 'don't do that to her' this one really bugs me lol.

Anyway, sometimes I'm going about my business and all these thing suddenly come into my head and it really takes so much effort to try and switch off from them. I've been trying, as soon as I think about them, to say to myself leave it for now and think about them tonight. Kind of like giving myself permission to go over them but only for ten minutes when I'm at home. Sometimes I forget by the time I get home.

Rationally, I'm sure no one is laughing at me and I'm sure they don't believe the lies he is telling and even if they do, so what, more fool them. I'm hoping that eventually I won't even care. Annoys me that I do though.

Not sure how the counsellor would help with these issues. It's quite difficult trying to stop your mind going over these things. It's like I know they will make me feel bad yet in they pop.

In other new I bought a bright pink jacket today, looked so lovely but ended up very cold. I have no jackets that fit so I treated myself.

Hope everyone is is well and happy.

22nd April 2009, 05:57 PM	#1
JWD Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,178	counsellor cancelled couldn't be helped. I was really looking forward to it but have another in a couple of weeks. really I wanted a bit of guidance on how to deal with these horrible flash backs I keep having. Mostly it's about when this first happened and I wrote him a ridiculous letter that now feels live grovelling. I had put in it how I had been buying books etc. I know there isn't really anything to be embarrasses about but because I now know about the affair, it makes me feel really stupid and desperate. Keep imagining how he must have found it all so funny to read me pouring my heart out and all along he knew what was happening. I can remember him laughing when I wondered if he was depressed or having some sort of crisis but really that was my only option left what to think because he kept saying there was no affair and that I annoyed him by thinking there was. Flashback 2. Him bringing that friend home the second week it happened and them laughing and discussing prostitutes and strippers while I was right there. and them talking about how all women are mad and money grabbing cows. Flashback 3 When I confronted him with the truth how he still lied and said was only a kiss and when I said I was telling her partner he said 'don't do that to her' this one really bugs me lol. Anyway, sometimes I'm going about my business and all these thing suddenly come into my head and it really takes so much effort to try and switch off from them. I've been trying, as soon as I think about them, to say to myself leave it for now and think about them tonight. Kind of like giving myself permission to go over them but only for ten minutes when I'm at home. Sometimes I forget by the time I get home. Rationally, I'm sure no one is laughing at me and I'm sure they don't believe the lies he is telling and even if they do, so what, more fool them. I'm hoping that eventually I won't even care. Annoys me that I do though. Not sure how the counsellor would help with these issues. It's quite difficult trying to stop your mind going over these things. It's like I know they will make me feel bad yet in they pop. In other new I bought a bright pink jacket today, looked so lovely but ended up very cold. I have no jackets that fit so I treated myself. Hope everyone is is well and happy. __________________ “One day you’re going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is… and when that day comes she’ll be waking up next to the man who already knew”