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Old 7th April 2011, 08:55 PM   #5
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Married and lonely

Hi Shasha,

I was married for twenty years to a man exactly like yours, cop, porn, withdrawn and indifferent, no spiritual convictions, no communication and sex only when he needed the release....because there were no computers for porn back then, only magazines which he kept at work. He left me with four children and never looked back. Seven years into the marriage, I became a Christian. He went to church for the appearance of it, but could not "connect" with God. He became jealous of my relationship with God (something real, vibrant and alive to me) and became even more withdrawn from the family. He did virtually nothing with our children, although he worked around the yard (probably as a good excuse to do nothing with the children or me).

Then one day after returning home from an appointment, I found myself locked out of the bank accounts and credit cards, and all his personal belongings were gone. He planned it to the tee. He came around three months later on Christmas day to tell me he wanted a divorce. I did not chase after him, call him ect...I just let him go. I knew in my heart that he was never there in the first place. He quickly started going out with women, dancing, and having company over....I could smell the barbeque from where our house was to where he stayed two houses away with his parents. He was a different person entirely, even had friends! It was as though he were waiting to be born for that whole twenty years. I waited five years to see if the Lord would do anything for us...then he got married.

Looking back, I think the Lord did us a painful but necessary favor. My husband simply was...not. I spent many years in the later years of our marriage angry, smoldering internally as you are doing now, yet I kept on serving him and being loving to him "as though" he were a different person. After he left...about a year, the Lord dealt with me regarding that anger (really frustration and grief in disguise), and that is when the terrible grief began. But the Lord is close to the broken hearted, and I did heal.

He is still not a Christian, but obviously happier than when he was with me. I seemed to represent a prison to him, perhaps because I was the stronger person in the mix...but I had to be.

I have no advice for you. I am sorry, but that is what we have the Holy Spirit for. I pray He gives you what you need to either endure this or to do whatever else He want you to do.

Last edited by Forever; 7th April 2011 at 09:53 PM.
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