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Old 11th May 2004, 12:58 PM   #1
JohnS
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Imbalance in sex drives / temptation

Thanks for this opportunity to share my dilemma and for this site - which I have already begun to use as a great resource.
My wife and I are Christians and have been married for 18 years. We are great companions and have 3 lovely children. We will never be unfaithfaul and ours is what would be classed 'a stable relationship'.
Our appetite for sex however is one of the few areas we feel incompatible in.
My wife freely admits she almost never thinks about sex and would be happy almost never to make love. I am almost at the opposite end of the scale.
To cut a long (and probably obvious) story short, I have drifted - intermittently - into 'using' TV and internet 'imagery' to relieve what i see as my 'sexual tension'. I always feel guilty afterwards. I have confessed it to my wife and to a 'mentor' at church, and have periods where I feel in control. But I drift back. And I feel it is reducing my effectiveness as a Christian, especially as we sense that are being called into leadership roles.
We have looked at various ways of trying to 'regulate' our sex life, but the situation has just 'drifted back' to a pattern - which consists of my feeling guilty about asking her if we can make love, her making it clear she is reluctant, and lovemaking often being unsatisfactory as a result. I then feel resentful but am reluctant to 'force her' and so 'bite my lip' as much as I can.
I guess I am just keen (a) to hear that I am not alone; (b) to have an opportunity to 'confess' it again as part of my own spiritual walk and (c) would be grateful for constructive advice / resources.
I don't believe our situation is 'out of hand' and in one sense that is its weakness! It could continue just to 'drift on' through the rest of our married life and I know we can do better - and certainly that I can do better.
Thnaks for the 'space' to do this.
Many blessings for your work here
John
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