Thread: A bad few days
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Old 24th March 2015, 02:17 PM   #11
defeated
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 54
Re: A bad few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I am SO sad at this, because I wish you wife was aware of the vital importance of sex in a marriage. Its not only fun,(or should be), but it strengthens the couple emotionally and also relieves stress.
Even God warns us not to deprive each other of sex because it leads to temptation.

I honestly think that if your wife would agree to marriage counselling, realise that her marriage is just as important as her son, give time just to the two of you, understand how vitally important sex is to you and the marriage etc, your feelings for this other lady would fade away. Its like a starving man trying to resist food. However please carry on resisting.
I agree with Chosen about the you needing marriage counselling.

Your wife is obviously so wrapped up in your son needing special attention and her own stresses that she's overlooking you..... this is not a happy situation for anyone and it's not surprising that the light flirtation of an attractive woman that you keep coming in to contact with is messing your head up.

I think it's really commendable that you're on this website and doing all you can to fight the feelings which you have, rather than just plunging in and taking the consequences later. Your wife is a very lucky woman and needs to somehow wake up to this.

I think you need a safe place - counselling - to explain the true extent of your feelings and how lonely you've become. You've sacrificed so much for your family and you need support too... although it's often very hard to ask for it without an outside mediator to make her see that you're wanting the best for you all but feel overlooked.

Believe me, I know exactly how upsetting it is feeling overlooked and unappreciated... it destroys you and slowly eats away at you as a person.

You need to arrange an appointment with a counsellor, contact one of her family members and get them to cover the care of your son. This will not only help you enormously as a couple, but will make her see that your son can be left.
You need to make her see that Autism is ruling and ruining your lives.

Are there support groups for people that have a family member with autism? I had a brief look and came across this - http://www.scottishautism.org - perhaps they could refer you to groups, or at least find you babysitting cover for experts in this field. There must be so many people that could talk to who must be in the same position.

I agree that you need to have a full marriage, with sex. I think it's unfair that you've had a year and a half without having it... this is something you need to talk through in counselling too.

This other woman is no doubt flirting and loving the attention and lapping up the attention she's getting from you. She sounds as though she could be perhaps a selfish, predatory woman... or perhaps she's just happy and finds you attractive. No matter what, you're fully aware of the explosion you would inflict on your wife and family if you acted on your feelings. You need to seriously think of what will happen if you act on those feelings - would your life be better with her? Would she be worth leaving your wife and children for? Would she move area, as you couldn't possibly stay in such a small community when your wife and her family live there?

I agree that you're only on this planet once and you need to make the most of it.... but you sound an incredibly loyal and loving husband, who wouldn't be having this feelings if you didn't feel shunted to one side and not in a full marriage.

Get support for your marriage now... she needs to fully understand everything to act on them.

Also, i agree with LDT... if you're able to afford it, get someone to do your cleaning and housework.

Have you thought about an au pair? A cost effective way of having living child care - also could be a move towards having someone that your wife trusts, after time, to leave your son with.

Best of luck, I feel for you and really think you need to avoid this woman otherwise it's torture.
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