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Old 20th December 2011, 08:25 PM   #167
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Married and lonely

George,

I have been thinking.

It appears to me that given your wife's upbringing, she probably has been "taught" that having sexual desire is tantamount to "LUSTING"...which is a sin. If I am correct, then she has this whole idea WAY WAY out of context.

For her to engage in sex, in her mind, there must be a "godly purpose"...so Creation would qualify and give her the "covering" for doing the "deed" in God's eyes.

Even during a qualified "sanctified" act, she still does not want to be guilty of evoking the sin of "lust"...hence the need for her to call so many shots and restrictions...so she does not "sin" or cause you to do so.

Someone ought to explain to her about a thing called "context". That is, lust (being a strong sexual desire) is NOT a sin in the context of being married as long as the "desire" is for the experience with one's spouse exclusively...ie not thinking on someone else, or being "primed" by something outside of the marriage.

The Bible clearly states that our sexual desires should be directed to our mates and enjoyed therein....whenever the one or the other wants to express it...that includes you.

Will she need to accommodate you...even if the idea did not originate with her...even if she does not "feel" like it? You bet. Would you accommodate her if she made an advance towards you...likely. Does the word "accommodate" taint the whole expression and ruin the enjoyment?
It would be ashamed if it does...that thought would be way out of context too if that were the case...don't buy into it. I often do not "feel" like cooking dinner after a day at work...but I do it anyway because I love my husband and want him to be well fed and pleased....and he is. That is love in action....should he turn down the wonderful meal I made for him just because he knows I really did not feel like making it? I hope not.

Our personal autonomy is never to be used to exclude the needs and desires of our spouse...otherwise, we have no business getting married.

We are here to serve one another....that is our "duty" (another word for you to contemplate)...especially regarding marital sex so that the Devil does not get a foothold for "lusting" after someone who is not our spouse.

You have been reduced to MB throughout the entire marriage. If, when doing that, you are thinking on some "hot babe"...you are lusting and sinning. But if you are doing MB while thinking about your wife and all the things you would like to do to her (and vice versa)...envisioning the two of you "that way" you are not sinning...you are simply fantasizing about what you and she are missing out on and finding a physical outlet for that unfortunate frustration.

Last edited by Forever; 20th December 2011 at 11:34 PM.
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