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Old 14th June 2006, 05:02 PM   #5
Helen
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Re: will wife cheat again

Confused43,

I find it hard to believe that your wife has waited so long for her 'revenge'. If what you were doing with these other women really bothered her, she would have done something before now. She also would never have married you, much less tolerated what you were doing into the marriage. I suspect this is about him making her feel attractive again. But she is using your past exploits to justify her actions now. It also sounds as though she is not ready to give up this man because he makes her feel good - and you don't.

Do you take your wife for granted? Are you switched on about her emotional needs? When last did you tell her she was beautiful - outside the bedroom? When last did you romance her? Women need romance, even after we are married. Otherwise we feel like sexual objects. And when last did you REALLY talk to her? Have you ever discussed your associations with these women? Do you talk about anything and nothing in particular? It sounds like you haven't. Maybe your wife has spent much of your marriage feeling like she was second best to these women. A babymaker (albeit with a ring on her finger). Maybe she spent a long time putting herself down because she wasn't enough for you. Now, all of a sudden, another man has come along and he is giving her attention...all the things you never gave her (i.e. your singleminded attention...).

I do think you were foolish to sanction this association (just as I think you were foolish to see other women outside your marriage) but I would not beat yourself up about it. Done is done. The question is what can you do to rectify things from now on? You could start by talking to her about what is going on. What does this man do for her? What attention is he giving her that you are not? Then ask yourself if you could ever fulfill this role. Because if you can't, chances are she will not be willing to stop seeing this man because he is giving her what she needs - it sounds like this is what is happening at the moment. She lies to you because she knows it is wrong and she doesn't want to hurt you - but it is addictive too.

If you can, I suggest you start being what she needs. Because if you don't, she will not give up this man - and she will continue to lie about her association with him.

Incidentally, I would be VERY surprised if there was no sex involved...


Helen
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