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Old 27th April 2016, 02:49 PM   #9
TJW
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 43
Re: Husband watches porn

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Says he's sorry. Says he doesn't know why he's does it. Says it is not about me.
Believe him. When he says all three. It's not a "competition", even though I recognize fully how you see it that way, like he says, it's not about you, and it's not about the girls in the pictures, either.

And, when he says he doesn't understand why, you need to reply that understanding why is the key to stopping.

For many men, porn is pretty much a "drug". It's about a physical process in their bodies which gets stimulated through fantasy easier and faster than through reality.

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I always think of it as mental adultery.
I agree. Adultery is also a "drug" which is not about the betrayed spouse, and it is not about the affair partner. It's about the stimulation from fantasy.

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If it doesn't come from his heart then it isn't worth much.
If it doesn't come from his heart, it isn't worth anything, and it won't "work", either. Affairs end when reality takes over. So does porn.

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We have been married 28 years. Mostly good years.
I don't know if I could ever trust him again.
Dr. Phil made a home-run statement: (paraphrased)

".....I have a dog. I would trust that dog with my life. But not with my sandwich...."

Dr. Phil recognizes that he has a trustworthy dog, except that in areas where the dog's appetite always wins, he can't trust.

Last edited by TJW; 27th April 2016 at 03:07 PM. Reason: added comment
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