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Old 29th October 2012, 04:29 PM   #2
Forever
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,408
Re: Husband's Online Relationship-How Do I Cope?

Hmm...since you can be so understanding about where John is coming from...and where she is coming from (having been there yourself), then this is what I would do:

Tell John that if it is his desire to continue on in this marriage with you and ALSO to help that woman at the same time, then you will need to be brought into the picture.

You can take over with the "support" of her emotionally while he casually observes on the side lines...then he will see what her true intentions are...to break up your marriage or to truly move on with her own life with this help.

I am hoping he will see that the kind of support she needed should have come from another sympathetic woman rather than from a married man...and if you are strong enough to weather this through until she gets this message, then all of you will be better off in the long run. He will be far more cautious about engaging with damsels in distress without you being part of that mix.

Personally, I think his being a married man would encompass an understanding that there are boundaries which should not be breached...and that is exactly what he has already done. Now he must back off and let you take over...totally. He cannot have it both ways...or can he? Do not be so desperate that you tolerate anything just because you can see your own mistakes. He did not HAVE to throw caution to the winds...he could have sat you down and explained how lonely he was feeling or gotten counsel for your marital issues from a legitimate source instead of hooking up emotionally with another woman...and he could have turned to male buddies for his own comfort rather than to her.

He is not obligated to continue this relationship with her...especially since he is already violating his own marriage by continuing in an emotional affair...right under your nose! So get into the drivers seat and steer her right out of your lives...gently, so he does not turn against you...but see to it that it moves in that direction. If he clings to her in spite of your efforts to help her (since he is so emotionally connected to her), then your marriage is a farce...a cover up for a heart that has already "checked out"...and you will know this if he refuses to let you into that "circle".

Further more, there is nothing wrong with you feeling jealous. You are feeling threatened regarding something that is rightfully yours to guard and keep, rather than your feeling jealous about something that belongs to another. Just be careful and dont let any of your feelings turn to something ugly...something that will push him further away from you and further towards her. View her as a "patient" as if she were your client in a psychiatric setting rather than as a threat to your own happiness. Sooner or later, John will start viewing her the same way if you handle this with finesse.
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