Thread: scared
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Old 20th March 2015, 08:28 PM   #12
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Re: scared

If my husband had to be hypnotized in order to be attracted to me, I'd be mortified. I definitely don't think that's going to have any positive influence whatsoever. It's a tough situation, you seem to genuinely be desperate to feel something for a man that you clearly just don't, and by your own words, never have.. Very doubtful an attraction will magically appear now.

He is happy to plod on with the life he's lived with you for several years, you are unfulfilled with that and so built a new life of which he doesn't fit in.
I believe every marriage is worth fighting for, but really, I'm not sure that should be the case here. I was married at 24 until I was 34 to a man I was never in love with (although the issues that came with it were very different in my situation to what yours are) he was never away from home other than normal working hours and we both lived separate lives within the same house. Now 5 years later I'm married to a man I love with all of my heart and am happier than I ever thought I'd be.. That being said, of course we have problems, but the key to being able to work at a marriage is that both participants feel enough for the other to truly try. I just can't help feeling that the more you try to force yourself to feel things that should come naturally, the more resent you will end up feeling toward a man that has (by the sound of it) been a good loving husband to you.

That isn't fair on either of you. He deserves to be with someone whos feelings of love and attraction are mutual, not forced. 20 years is a very long time, and if after such an amount of time no attraction has evolved then I don't think it ever will. A lot of people can stay in marriages where there is no attraction because a mutual respect and deep friendhsip is enough. But from what you have written, this is not enough for you, and I completely understand that. Life is short, and people don't want to end up years down the line with regrets or feel like their life could have been better had they only made certain decisions sooner when they had the chance. Everybody is entitled to their own happiness, you and he.
For the childrens sakes I hope you manage to come to some kind of mutual agreement regarding your marriage that doesn't involve one or the other spouse being forced to endure things they are not happy with.
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