View Single Post
Old 17th April 2014, 03:56 PM   #9
freddo
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 8
Unhappy Re: 20 years Trapped

I'm sorry if this comes up twice but my first post seems to have vanished. Thank you Raymond and chosen for your replies. I have not spoken a word about my unhappiness in 20 years so it is such a relief to hear sane responses. Thank you.
Also apologies for the typos. The only internet I have is my phone and correcting is proving tricky.
I think the main issue may be my perception of worth. I was highly educated and academic wuth big dreams before my grief cut me down. I have channelled some of these skills over the years. I have teaching degrees and have run choirs, youth groups, visit the sick, fund raise, craft, etc etc. I'm not idle. But I have no earning power and feel I have come to mid 40s with career opportunities wasted.
Also, even in this modern day there are expectations of a ministers wife. Ive had friends wherever we've been but ive always been the ministers wife and therefore how could I complain about my "perfect" husband? Ive alway s felt that for the childrens sake if we have to represent a parish that parish had better be thriving so ive thrown myself in.....the church has always had a minister and a half for their money!
My husband is an ok minister but has been far better for having us both as we bring very different gifts....we are soooo different. He doesn't need much from me-never has. So I guess in order to get any of what I need from him ive ended up throwing myself more into the parish (his dream) as this is our only common ground and the only way to feel rewarded from him. I suppose without sounding too bitter ive got to the point where:
I chose the wrong guy, decided the promises were holy, stuck by them, tried and gave, and have come out of it with a husband who doesn't really love me, nor I him. I could never work properly as I have no family, his hours were erratic and childcare costs too high. (Trapped,)
The more you give in ministry the more members you have, the more you both have to give, the more you burn out, the less you have for each other. My husband is happy to bury his head and pretend it will all be ok.
I'm not sure I can.
freddo is offline   Reply With Quote