Thread: Confused!!!!!
View Single Post
Old 26th October 2007, 06:32 AM   #2
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Confused!!!!!

Dear Jae...

This must be a difficult and unhappy time for you and no wonder you are confused. First, are you sure you ARE pregnant? That is, have you taken a test, seen a doctor, or what? There are some who have symptoms and can sometimes be emotional or other reasons.

Where was the birth control? Oh my, that was risky and perhaps you hoped subliminally as many girls that a pregnancy cinches the deal. The fact you now know this man has married is truly a blow. I sympathize with you that you cared so much you were reckless with yourself. Once you are SURE there is a pregnancy you need to think about serious issues as prenatal care or whether you want to have the child to term and raise it. That is a tremendous burden alone.

Does your work have health insurance AND does it cover prenatal care and baby delivery. I can tell you many policies do NOT have this coverage. It needs to be added 10 months prior to any possible pregnancy. The delivery of a baby with complications could max out coverage. You make decision to add this and pay the extra premium PRIOR to any event. You cannot buy it once you are pregnant under many company policy. Check this out. A baby delivery/care is VERY expensive. This is how it is in the states. If you are in UK you may be covered under national health care perhaps?

What arrangements would you have for help? Do you have a family nearby? He should be notified and likely there would be a paternity test to show proof he is the father. I am not sure I would let his parents know from your end. I sure would not be in a situation where family might exert pressure or sue for custody of the child. It is his responsibility to tell them.

He is likely in a marriage perhaps arranged by family. These Muslim girls are very sheltered and very likely no sex was available to him until after a marriage. It hurts to say it but you may have been the transition woman until all that was worked out with her family about the marriage. In many cases Muslim men do not respect gentile women who work and are FREE as you having your own place. It is a different culture and for them the children of a marriage are raised Muslim under their beliefs. This is your child if you decide to have the baby.The baby should be raised in your faith. He should pay support and you will need that. If he does not pay ...you go through the courts and get it set up.

If you are not far along, you may consider to end the pregnancy as you will have 20 years to put that life ahead of yours. You should get some counselling and make a decision. Not everyone is equipped to bring a child into the world and raise it alone so you may also consider adoption. See if you can get with your family and get input and there are also organizations that counsel young woman. though it sounds as if you still care for him ...he really did a slimebag number on you. I doubt you will ever get any input from you as he will distance himself so he does not have problems with a new wife. Don't be angry with her...she is innocent and he lied to both of you.

Stay in touch and I hope you can find everything falls into place. My daughter had a similar type event..not a muslim. They lived together and talked marriage until she got pregnant. Then by the time the child was 5 months old he was out there trolling for the new woman. My grandchild is 9 and spends 2 weeks a month with each parent. They share custody. He married the other woman and had another baby with her very quickly. My daughter has done a great job and copes with her work and a university schedule as well. She really has a lot of fun with this little girl. She spends time here with me as well when my daughter is in classes. Everything can work out.

Good luck.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 26th October 2007 at 06:39 AM.
  Reply With Quote