Thread: Baronness
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Old 20th August 2011, 03:46 AM   #24
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I know how much money he gets from social security. He told me and I read the letter from social security stating how much he gets and his painting this house is only a one time thing. He's painted other nicer homes and got paid very well and his ex and him divorced because she was drinking and cussing at him in front of the children.

There is some feeling left but not half of what it used to be. Its better today but there is still no effort on his part. I know how much money he gets and I know where he is when he's gone. He's been here for the past 4 mornings and I don't like that because I usually watch what I want on tv during the morning.

I could probably find another man but I'm not thinking about that. I don't need a man in my life and i'm not worried about my future because God has assured me that I don't have anything to worry about. I trust him and I will find a way to support myself because he is not going to change, he just expects me to accept this and I'm not going to.

Chosen, he wasn't married twice, I was, and if he knew I was thinking of leaving he would not get help, he would just walk out the door because he doesn't want to be here if I don't want him. We've discussed this before. And I didn't find my divorces so traumatic.

The cheating on me, yes, but not the divorce itself, I was glad to be rid of them. One a drug addict and the other a lazy man who was cruel to my son and made me feel like I was nothing; yes,I was glad to get rid of him. You made a point of telling me how difficult it would be to find a man and that they want younger women, but God would send me a man if it was his will so I'm not worried about that.

As for seeing things that aren't there, that isn't true at all. I saw him m as i've said many times and while I'm not sure when he does it, I know that he does and I do have a reason to divorce him as far as I'm concerned. Satisfying himself sexually is the same as cheating on me, he's getting it somewhere else and God has specific rules on how a husband is to treat his wife and he is not doing those things.

You mentioned promises I've made to this man? What about the promises he made me, to love and cherish me? He can't even talk about money he gets from his attorney, this is not even like a marriage. It's like I'm his girlfriend and he doesn't have to share anything with me. He has done something to break the marriage vows.

He has stopped being a husband to me. There is no marriage bed, he is denying me the right that God says I have. If he has ed, then he should care enough about me to go do something about it instead of just assuming I will get used to no sex. Does he even know me? He knows better than that.

And how can I stop thinking about what he doesn't do when I go to bed alone every night and wonder if he's in there jerking off? My words are crude but its the truth. And what's he thinking about when he's doing it? If he's thinking about anyone other than me then that is adultery because in the Bible it says if you are thinking about it, its the same as doing it.

You might stay with your husband even if he cheated on you, but I wouldn't. How could you do that? Every time he went to bed with you you would be wondering if he was thinking about some other woman? Where is your pride? YOu are saying he can do whatever he wants but because you hate divorce and what you went through, you would rather him demean you.

God doesn't want that for us. We are children of God and deserve to be treating in the proper way and I am not being treated right. He is not obeying God and I'm not surprised with his catholic mentality. Even catholics wouldn't agree with this. How can you tell me to just put up with anything he wants to dish out?

Now, he isn't a bad man in any way but just self centered. He expects me to do all the things a wife does but he isn't doing what a husband is supposed to do. I can't live the rest of my life hoping for a change in him because he doesn't have to listen to God and I can't live in a fairy tale. The time for me to do something is now.

If a few years go by and this hasn't changed then I will regret not doing anything. What 1aokgal said is true, its the finances that are the problem and I can't go anywhere at this time, but it isn't like I'm sitting around planning my escape and all the men I will meet.

I'm still doing my best in this relationship even though he continues to treat me this way. If this had happened five years ago before I got closer to God, I would have left so fast his head would spin and that's what he deserves now and back then I wouldn't have thought of the consequences either, I would have left and only come back for my things.

Two things are holding me back from doing this and every instinct I have is telling me to get out. The first thing and its the more important of the two is that I have loved him for a long time and we get along together pretty well and I would miss him if I left him. He is very difficult to live with but he tries to make sure I am okay and have money.

He can be so kind and even romantic at times and he can also be a jerk and upset me very much. He used to at least try to make love to me although it wasn't that often. Now he doesn't try. He is breaking my heart because I know eventually my love for him will leave because if there is distance between us now, think what it will be like in a few years.

The second reason is because I can't support myself. I can go to my friends or my moms but I'm used to my own home with my things and because I don't want to lose those things, I have stayed here even when its been unbearable and these days aren't the unbearable times I'm talking about.

I need to just leave him, if only for a few days, and he would worry and get upset and be mad and we would fight when I came back and I would get my point across but at what cost? I'm not playing games with him like i would have done before.

God told me today to 'just trust him'. I was taking a walk and telling him that he wasn't doing anything or showing me anything or telling me anything and I felt so lost and confused and he said, "Just trust me." and that was it. I have to trust him. He could be working on my h and I don't know or he could have someone better for me.

I don't know but I'm not making a move until I am sure that this is what God wants and don't tell me what God wants because you don't know. You will probably say God doesn't want any marriage to end and this and that, but maybe it wasn't God's will for us to get married. Maybe I made a mistake marrying someone who spent a lot of time in bars.

I thought God brought us together but I'm beginning to wonder. You don't have to worry about people telling me what to do about this. My children want me to be happy and if I am not happen then they will encourage me to leave. My mother will as well and she is a very strong christian But its what I want that counts, what I can live with.

I can stand by him during a trying time, but I can't accept that we will never make love again as God has intended. He insults me by preferring to m and I'm not even sure of the reason anymore. I thought it was ed but it could be anything and his years of drinking could be at fault too. Alcohol can affect your thinking process and perhaps its all caught up to him.

I don't know, all I know if that time is wasting and we could have a beautiful marriage but because of his issues we are growing apart instead. I don't care that he has a po box and I don't care that he does his laundry elsewhere and I don't care if he watches tv all the time. I do care that he thinks I will put up with anything because I love him.

Love isn't something you say, its something you do.