2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums - View Single Post - Another loveless pair :-)

luce · 28th March 2010, 09:46 PM

Hi Stevie,
Coming from my own experience i would say that chances are like Jools says that you and your wife are coming from totally different perspectives right now.

When I talked to my husband after he had left he basically said that the marriage was over anyway and that we werent communicating or working on anything. He said we had never worked on anything. My perspective was a million miles from his - i thought i was blessed to be married to my best friend, i thought we had made many changes over the years and built the quality of our lives. i hadnt noticed the breakdown of communication and i had no clue that i was in a 'marriage that was over'. I knew things were a bit flat but thought it was due to external factors such as pressures of work and didnt give it a great deal of thought.

Had my husband communicated any of this too me in a serious way and i mean in a way that really would have got my attention rather than the odd whine then i would have moved heaven and earth to save my marriage. I adored him. I would have been scared to death and i would have done anything. I would have had our arses into marriage counselling so fast that his feet wouldnt have hit the ground.

But there are some other things here too - I put on a lot of wieght then lost it through slimming club and gym and then i put it all back on very rapidly. On reflection i can see that my weight piled back on when my marriage started to fall apart. My husbands head had been turned by someone else and even though i didnt realise thats what was going on it was like a subconscious part of me knew that there was something terribly wrong in my world and i hid in food and the internet. But times before that when i put on weight and became frumpy and middle-aged it was in large part because i was unappreciated - we all need to be loved and appreciated. Without my husband in my life i am feeling the appreciation of friends (male and female) and i am looking much more trendy/glamourous. Needless to say the weight is almost back to where it should be and i put my lippy on every day.

I find myself wondering how honest you are being with yourself too. You mentioned that you have had some female attention and have been tempted. I am wondering whether you might be heading towards an affair and picking fault with your wife and marriage to justify it. I am not saying that is definitively how it is and you are here talking about it which hopefully suggests i maybe wrong.

You might want to take a look at this thread which might give you some indication that your wife might be in a totally different space regarding the marriage to you;
http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=6657

At the end of the day i dont think my husband wanted to communicate with me. His head was turned in other directions and he didnt want to work on the marriage.

Welcome to forum.
Luce

28th March 2010, 09:46 PM	#4
luce Registered User Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 305	Re: Another loveless pair :-) Hi Stevie, Coming from my own experience i would say that chances are like Jools says that you and your wife are coming from totally different perspectives right now. When I talked to my husband after he had left he basically said that the marriage was over anyway and that we werent communicating or working on anything. He said we had never worked on anything. My perspective was a million miles from his - i thought i was blessed to be married to my best friend, i thought we had made many changes over the years and built the quality of our lives. i hadnt noticed the breakdown of communication and i had no clue that i was in a 'marriage that was over'. I knew things were a bit flat but thought it was due to external factors such as pressures of work and didnt give it a great deal of thought. Had my husband communicated any of this too me in a serious way and i mean in a way that really would have got my attention rather than the odd whine then i would have moved heaven and earth to save my marriage. I adored him. I would have been scared to death and i would have done anything. I would have had our arses into marriage counselling so fast that his feet wouldnt have hit the ground. But there are some other things here too - I put on a lot of wieght then lost it through slimming club and gym and then i put it all back on very rapidly. On reflection i can see that my weight piled back on when my marriage started to fall apart. My husbands head had been turned by someone else and even though i didnt realise thats what was going on it was like a subconscious part of me knew that there was something terribly wrong in my world and i hid in food and the internet. But times before that when i put on weight and became frumpy and middle-aged it was in large part because i was unappreciated - we all need to be loved and appreciated. Without my husband in my life i am feeling the appreciation of friends (male and female) and i am looking much more trendy/glamourous. Needless to say the weight is almost back to where it should be and i put my lippy on every day. I find myself wondering how honest you are being with yourself too. You mentioned that you have had some female attention and have been tempted. I am wondering whether you might be heading towards an affair and picking fault with your wife and marriage to justify it. I am not saying that is definitively how it is and you are here talking about it which hopefully suggests i maybe wrong. You might want to take a look at this thread which might give you some indication that your wife might be in a totally different space regarding the marriage to you; http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=6657 At the end of the day i dont think my husband wanted to communicate with me. His head was turned in other directions and he didnt want to work on the marriage. Welcome to forum. Luce Last edited by luce; 28th March 2010 at 11:14 PM.