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Old 7th June 2011, 04:52 AM   #193
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness...

Please space your posts with paragraph breaks. It is easier to read. If there is anyone here who understands your situation and pain that would surely be me. You are likely quite right that your husband has little interest in sex and finds he cannot hold an erection for the simple reason he does it better than you can do it.

A man can be a selfmade unit of satisfaction as it is always obtainable, he knows the right friction and mode to reach satisfaction and usually is not interested in help elsewhere. It is an addiction, and an immature one, which is the death of a marriage. You are in the early stages of quietly being put to the side as your husband manages to blow you off when you broach the subject. That makes you feel you are in the wrong to force a discussion. I was there in that same spot thousands of times.

The man enjoys what he does and has tuned out your pain and puzzlement. You look for answers and there seem none. Believe me, that is not going to change without some serious couples therapy until he acknowledges he is a selfish pig who meets his own needs and you have the strength to be angry enough to realize this has nothing at all to do with you. It is not about how you look, but rests on his desire to meet
his own sexual needs. Sometimes it is a relationship problem in the marriage that might cause a man to withdraw into his own sexual fantasies. He can perhaps use porn to rev up his libido. Some men just use this mode for years and the marriage for him does not exist sexually. He may love you "in his way" it is just not going to be a sensual marriage.

There is no sex in many marriages. Many couples no longer share a bedroom. It simply is best not to lie beside a man who makes you feel unwanted and angry. I'm sorry for your pain. It takes some years to get the picture there. It will never get easier to realize you put your eggs in an empty basket. Some of us stay for the love we share in other ways, family, habit or just because time has moved on and there is no tooth fairy.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 7th June 2011 at 05:31 PM.
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