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Old 29th July 2005, 01:44 PM   #6
jools
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 570
Re: Wife not interested in sex

Hi Toronto,
Thought I'd add my bit as I've been the wife in a similar situation. Like you my husband was always very appreciative of me and we've both kept ourselves in shape. I think I can relate to how your wife is feeling. Obviously it's only a guess but my feelings might add insight for you so here goes.

As the other women's posts suggest, having children can change the way that we perceive ouselves and our roles within the marriage. "Mothermode" is not very conducive to feeling sexy. Sometimes the fear of getting pregnant again is enough to put you off. My husband has always been a passionate man and always "in the mood". That in itself was a pressure. Yes I felt horribly guilty about it and even prayed to be given a sex drive! He used to try different ways to turn me on but I just felt under more pressure. I didn't like to talk about it because I didn't want to admit to any problems. Didn't think I had a problem! Every other aspect of our relationship was great and as far as I was concerned he was the love of my life. I honestly believe that it is far easier for women to be happy in a relationship without the need to be sexual than it is for men. Added to this is the fact that mothers also get a lot of closeness and intimacy from their children when they are young.

I had my wake-up call two years ago and have re-discovered my libido...but it took something quite dramatic for me to change! Won't bore you with the details (read my posts if you're interested). Not sure how I would have changed if that hadn't have happened though...so I guess that's not much help to you! What I'm trying to say though is that I'm sure your wife IS worried about this but is finding it hard to address with you because she doesn't know the answer. I suggest you back off trying to initiate sex for a while to take that pressure off her. A lot of Helen's suggestions are good. Your wife is NOT unusual in this. You would be surprised how many married women admit that they're not that bothered about sex - especially after having children. I'm sure she still loves you to bits and is as worried as you are. Hope my ramblings have helped a bit.
Good luck, Toronto! Jools XX
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Justin Bieber

Last edited by jools; 20th April 2011 at 01:52 PM.
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