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Old 4th February 2012, 10:27 AM   #12
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 22
Re: brink of seperation

i have realised and learnt a lot from this thread - thanks guys! MC i am glad you are working out things in your marriage and wish you all the best its so good that you can realise these things and its good to hear it from your perspective and the struggle that it is for you. its so sad that you learnt this from your parents... i have this little baby and the worst thing would be if she picked up on my or my husbands bad habits and behaviours. there is no time like the present to focus on becoming like the lord jesus!
well things have went better so far this week - and things have been very stressful with the baby yet we have managed a bit better but i know it is going to take much time and patience. the mirroring listening is an excellent idea. i have been given 'fair fighting rules' by the counsellor for us to read and that is in them along with other good ideas along with the delay you mention - if things get heated to be able to decide another time to re start the 'fight' when we have both cooled off. and also if one is the heavyweight (such as my husband - he almost double my weight!) then there is a compromise to be agreed upon such as i get to stand and he sits or i get to use a louder tone than him or something like that which we agree upon together for 'fights'. this will help with the intimidation thing greatly.
the one room with a lock is the bathroom and manys a time ive hidden in it!
i am trusting for better times. the main problem right now is that my hubby never has any time. the counsellor has told him that he needs to be working less and he is going to try and sort it out a bit. he is working every weekend and late a lot of nights - tonight he gets in at 7 - when ive been minding the baby all day my head ends up fried and i just want to retreat so we don't spend much time together at all. then when we do its so pressurised to make it worthwhile that it ends up going pearshaped!
i admire every single person who has come through a separation.
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