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Old 2nd February 2012, 08:22 PM   #11
Posts: n/a
Re: brink of seperation


We can't change another so the first step is to change a situation is to get the other person to realize there is a problem. Then we each take personal responsibility to alter behavior when we get in that danger area. I think the "time out habit" is a good one when two people hit that danger area where things get heated.

Even..the delay. " I think you are right, we do need to discuss this. This is a bad time for me right now, because....(whatever.) Do you mind if we sit down after the dishes are done and talk about it?" Delay gets the huffy person calmed down and things go better. Arguing just gets nowhere.

That intimidation of standing in anothers' face, kills all the nice areas between the couple. It just can't be allowed. It seems to be learned behavior, which borders on hysteria, that someone won't listen to them without that behavior. Maybe there has to be more validation that you are listening.

This is where "mirroring" listening, is good. He says repeat it to show you heard him. "Oh, you would prefer to go to your mothers on saturday, instead of tomorrow? " He says yes, that is what he means. Then you respond to the subject. The mirroring tells the other person you accept the communication. That is better than to be told," You never listen to me."

Just never give up and work out the issues. Who ever said living with another person would be easy!! (Of course, if it was a woman, it would be easy.) We are rational, intelligent creatures which some men are not!

Last edited by 1aokgal; 3rd February 2012 at 05:10 PM.
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