View Single Post
Old 2nd February 2012, 01:38 AM   #8
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: brink of seperation

Jan..

Welcome. A new baby puts a lot of stress of work and worry on a woman and most men are not that helpful with all the details that come with the little bundle of joy. Your husband should be making it easier by doing some dinner preparation or helping with chores to take some of the load off you.

I don't know what all the arguing is about but one thing is CRAZY. He has no business to follow you from room to room like a bulldog to get the last word! That is quite abusive behavior and intimidating and controlling. That is not to be born! I would tell him that when you go into (whatever room you retreat to as the bedroom) he is to give you "time out" space so there are no last words. If I had to..would install a door lock on that bedroom and put something pleasant in there for a short time for you to get that personal space.

Marriages where a man is that over bearing can go to really bad to worse as the man uses your weaknesses to force you into a dependent child as he stands over you ranting and raving. That is unforgiveable! No wonder you are in a depressed state to be so completely disrespected.

If you come back at him with fury, the tension accelerates, and then it is full scale yelling war. If you retreat, he is beating you to the wall. No, I sure would not go on vacation with him and be stuck in car for hours with the anger you must feel toward him! So I think you have to get it across, that conduct is unacceptable, and you won't tolerate it now, or in future. When you can, you need to find a safe relative as mother or sister, to leave the baby for a couple hours and meet a friend for lunch or a movie. You need a little ME time.

If that conduct continues, he has no respect for you. He must be used to see a male figure, like a father, intimidating his mother. He learned that behavior somewhere. I hope you stand your ground, because the conduct will get worse, if you don't. Even with this pattern you have a salvageable marriage with some work. Don't give up because all marriages have things that are worth fighting for. You just need to get backin touch with what brought you together in the first place.

Women win arguments better with honey than vinegar. A nice dinner and some sweetness and then you say your piece not as "You do this or that as "I feel you have no respect for me when you follow me into my personal space to get the last word." I find you have such a need to beat me down you don't allow me to digest the probelm on my own terms." Something along that line.

Maybe he watches the baby a time of two, so you can go for a walk and get some private time, as a bubble bath with no interruptions.
Good luck.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 11th June 2012 at 08:59 PM.
  Reply With Quote