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Old 3rd August 2008, 03:51 AM   #1
ilakatilol
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 38
Extreme PURE Hatred

Dunno, I am new to this forum but just needed to rant.

I hurt myself (bleeding from the glass) today trying to clean up my patio bar set that got blown over because the umbrella was left open by my DH. He is the one who always wants it open because it looks pretty even though when we hang out in the evening, the deck is in shade. I give in to him as usual.... he wants to "enjoy" the way he likes it... BUT ne is too ****ing lazy to take 3 min. to close up the umbrella... everything IS his idea! Why should the clean up not be solely his responsibility??? I might ask.

He has a new hobby now... bicycle racing.
And my hobby? To wash his sweat drenched clothes after (every other day: he has changes of his riding clothes) he spent time riding... approx: 1 & 1/2 to 3 hrs PER evening (when it is cool enough for him he says)... EVERYDAY!!! The time he spends with me? Maybe if 30mins b4 bed if I am lucky. Oh, and after his frigging ride, he gets on his blog to blog about it. In the morning, he spends at least 1/2 hr (depends on when he wakes up) to 1.5 hrs reading cycling blogs & news. Wow!

Sex life: He has more energy on the bike than he has riding me. Not that I am "not wanting" him in that department. BUT... after that 3 hr ride... I guess anyone would be too tired for sex. His neglect, not mine... you know how happy it'd make me if he were to spend that 3 hr in bed with me?

His idea again, always his idea!

Bear in mind, I made him home cook meals every evening (not TV dinners mind you; he has me even doing his diet "meals catered to his riding needs" for his meals) and I also pack his lunch *EVERYDAY*. Did the house hold chores & full time babysit his kids while he rides plus a part time job. My fingers are bleeding & opening up from doing dishes & he'd smirk & tell me he is working me to the bones... yeah he helps out ONCE in a while "begrudgingly" & made sure I knew it during my recovery period.

Yes, i do have mood swings, seems I am happier during my single days than my married days.

I am usually quiet... but then he made me repeat things till I have to *shout it out* because he couldn't hear me (bad ears he said) & then painting me to be the one as "psycho" cause I am too loud? If I could choose it, I'd be a happy mute, & no, I do not have a habit of shouting.

Yes, he is looking good "health-wise", I am "used" to the point of physical & mental exhaustion by him.... yes, I am neglecting my health at this point (no, I am not fat or anything... just tired & do not even have the energy to check out what is wrong with my body w/ the doctor... been having on & off fever that comes on every night' my hubby drives the car & you think he'd cared enough to force me by driving me to the doctor???? He knew about my physical problems too... but his tires on his bike is always more important.)

No, he does not beat on me or anything, but what I did was wrong since the start... even water, he'd ask me to "fetch" like a dog. Yes, I am very nice to him... very very... till the however many times I'd mentioned the "D", he'd would just laugh it off like I am not serious (b/c I love him enough to show in actions). No... he'd NEVER divorce me because he has it too good from me = PROOF!!!

BUT...

I am tired. Everyday I am becoming more and more tired...

Till I think maybe my *final* rest can only be found in DEATH... maybe I'd finally get to *sleep* in peace without having to HURT my vocals trying to nag him to be more *considerate* by appreciating my EFFORTS for him; so he is 3 mins more hardworking & 3 mins less LAZY???

I am drunk right now as I post this (no, I do usually keep it bottled inside)... mixing my drinks at home, drowning my sorrow.... he is at his family gathering at the moment because I worked till 2 AM this morn, woke up at 5 to make him breakfast b4 seeing him off for that 5 hr drive.

Not that I do not love him, I do or I'd be not so stupid as to invest this much time for him, in him.

He also knows, he would never divorce me... he knows I am actually too good of a woman for him (I'd have no problems finding other men should I want to *I don't*; he's turned me off married life for good... who wants to be married after a divorce??? I'd take a vacation FIRST!).

I love him... but I also really really hates him for my life right now.

KWIM?

Maybe, maybe death may be a relief for me... you know, die when I am still young & beautiful? I am 30 only afterall... before he really work me to the bones when I am too old.

-Tired-
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