Dear JoeSloppy,
Keep praying. If you are not where God wanst you to be, He will show you. Pray for unity of heart with your wife too and for God's order in your marriage and your church.
You wondered abotu study resources There are a number of books and articles
here and some courses
here. if you're in USA some of these courses are available there.
Kate has already pointed out some of the key issues and soem fo these resources will help you study the bible and discover God's design for your marriage. Together it is possible for you to discover what God wants for you. While there is authority in church leadership, it should be the authority that recognises it is under God and there to serve. It shoudl never come between a believer and their Saviour. Christians should all be encouraging one another to hear from God for themselves, while testign what thye here with those they trust.
May you both know the peace and freedom of serving God together.
Liz