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Old 8th May 2012, 03:27 PM   #74
Sillyman
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Re: How do I trust him again?

Hi Sammie,

Sorry for the delay in replying, been a manic few days.

Just to let you know how my thinking goes, and sorry if it sounds selfish at time.

The most pressing question in my head all the time is why can't my w forgive me?

I also always question how I would act in the tables were turned - and this may sound a bit self-righteous - but I don't think I would have reacted in the way she did. I would have at least tried, as much for our daughter as for our marriage.

But then I realise that she did what she did for self-preservation - how could you trust a man who had been so bloody selfish and stupid, and risked his family's happiness for what was essentially a cheap thrill that was never going to amount to anything?

I've got into an awful cycle of hope then having those hopes dashed - but that's not down to her, that's because I want it to all be better. But why would she risk it, not just for her sake, but also for our daughter's?

In your H's head I imagine he's thinking it's all forgotten - or at least will be - and you can move on from it. But that's your call. Perhaps when people say you can train your mind to live with these things, they're right - but it's your mind and you control it, so that's down to you I suppose.

And if he's anything like me, he'll realise what he could have lost (unfortunately I think I have) and try his hardest to put it right. Only you can decide if you believe him, but you seem to want to - which I must say I admire you for.

As for me - no change. We're still in the same situation we were - been separated 16 months with no sign of any changes. We're friends now at least, and our daughter knows she has both her parents around when she needs/wants them.

Divorce has been discussed, so it's down to her now. I still think it's the wrong thing to do - but have accepted it, since there is nothing I can do to change her mind. I hope she does have a change of heart, but really don't expect it.

SM
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