I've lost my soul mate
 

What can i do? My wife told me on Monday that she no longer wanted to be with me. Without boring people with details a couple of years ago i found a text message on her phone which was from an ex which was quite initmate. She assured me that there was nothing going on. This is before we were married.
I went with my heart rather than my head as i loved her dearly and up until then we were soul mates. However i felt the one person who would never hurt me had and i had lost trust in her. For a while i felt every time she went out i gave her a hard time because of this but after a while i was dealing with it. However what i was doing was push the fear down inside me which made me unaffectionate and my sex drive reduced. Over a period of 2 years we had arguements about my lack of affection things would get better then worse again. I just lost all emotion but knew deep down i still loved her. I lost my job of 15 years earlier this year and started have panic attacks so my doctor put me on anti depressents which i came off after a short period of time.
Since i have come off them i have started feeling emotion again and affectionate towards her although i started getting short tempered and snappy.
My wife left her job so we could pursue a career together and we were undergoing intensive training away from her kids which was very hard for her and stressful for both of us. As my feelings came back i also had thoughts of trying for a kid again (my wife had 2 miscarriages before) We travelled back on Monday having an arguement, and she said she had enough.
I told her i felt differently now and felt affection for her but she said ive heard it all before (understandably) since she has been like a different person saying she wants me out asap and is very angry and we haven't really spoken since.
I am devastated as i have always loved her she says she still loves me but wasn't in love with me. We connected from day 1 and we were soul mates and i believe that feeling never goes away its just deep down and you have to rediscover it. I can't start to think how upset she was and hurt that i wasn't affectionate and i am so sorry but fear of being hurt myself got in the way. Now i feel differently it looks too late.
I love her so much......ive written her a letter as i'm not good at getting my feelings across verbally.....not asking for one more chance but just explaining how i feel and i am away tomorrow so i will leave it for her to read. I feel shes not prepared to speak to me anyway and it will make things worse. I have spoken to friends, family and my doctor who all say it all seems so irrational as we are great together. Most people where we have been working together say we work well together and we will be brilliant at what we do.
What do i do?

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Editions..

Don't get pushy, short tempered, dog her footsteps or make a pest of yourself. Do be patient, understanding and solid about what you hope for the two of you. You seem to seek validation from everyone else but it is what she thinks that counts. She thinks you are cold, unaffectionate, non-sexual, short tempered and unstable. Can you see why she would feel as she does? She sees you as a man with too many emotional issues. That drama gets wearing.
That is a lot to overcome.

Tell her you regret the behavior and want to be everything for her. Is this only now you see you may have lost her that you feel she has value? You really have to be low key and just tell her how you feel and ask her if you can't give it a try to make things better.
Good luck.

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Similar to the situation I was in. I went through the begging sad stage and decided I would just start being the person I needed to be. I put on a happy face and started being positive about everything. I stopped asking for her to take me back, stopped begging and stopped telling her how I wanted things to be. She may not let you be affectionate to her now, but be very nice to her. Take baby steps.

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Thanks for the advice and support. I truly love her and thought our new life together would be a new start for us both as i do feel affection towards her and know it would work. I am going away today which will give her space maybe she needs probably. I'm not sure of the next steps now though. I will leave her the letter i wrote which may give her time to reflect. All week though for her it seems nothing has happened after asking me to be out and angry she has been polite and courteous surely it must all be a front and she cares. i have also always been a great kind and loving parent to her children particularly her 7 year old daughter who sses me as her dad. We've got too much to throw it away.
The company who have trained us paid 1000s of pounds for our training and all she did was send an email to our boss saying "i resign" with no sorry our thank you which just seems irrational as she wouldn't do that she had told everyone how much she loved the job and how much she was looking forward to it.
Please keep in touch and help!!

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Are you sure there is not another man involved here Editions? In view of the history one cannot help wondering. Giving up the job also seems mighty odd.

It's one thing to give a partner space to think another to give them space for someone else. If it was that you would need a different tack a more authoritive tack maybe.

Raymond

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Its not physically possible for there to be anyone involved the last 3 months we have literally done everything together, trained together all around the country. The only times she has been out she has taken her 7 year old daughter with her.
I had a text from her having read the letter saying i'm sorry it has happened and very sad etc i replied i don't believe she does not love me anymore and that shes just hurt, had no reply then she sent me a message after 11pm last night asking where the key to the garage was as she needed the hoover....why?
Just not sure what next...i've got to work away now for a week anyway.

Re: I've lost my soul mate
 

Everything seems very odd Editions. Her going off like that. Are you sure its not an emotional affair through the internet? It's happened a lot on here before and is still happening if you read the threads.

Raymond