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PoppyS 28 14th January 2009 06:47 PM

Relationship Advice
 
Hi, I'm new to this forum business and need some advice.

I have been in a relationship for 3.5yrs and having been living with my boyfriend for a year. We've just started to look into buying a house and one evening last week my boyfriend said 'this year might be the year to start thinking about marriage and stuff' but then that with 'but don't be disappointed if I don't propose this year'! What is that supposed to mean?!

Poppy

Ageing Grace 15th January 2009 02:25 AM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
Hi, Poppy, welcome to "this forum business"!

Well:-
  1. It could mean he's got HUGE ideas about how a proposal should be done, and won't feel happy until he can do it in a swanky tree-top jungle lodge, at sunset, with the monkeys chattering around you & impossibly well-chilled champagne on ice ...
  2. Or it could mean he appreciates the (very real) mutual commitment that buying a place together entails, and has just started thinking he must be into you for the long-term, but can't quite get his head around it ...
  3. Or it might mean he wants to buy a place & stop paying rent, needs a second salary to make the purchase, and is aware of [2] above but doesn't want to piss you off ...

The real question is: How come you didn't ask him yourself, "What does that mean?"

??
AG

PoppyS 28 15th January 2009 06:53 PM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
Hi AG,

I did ask him and he was very vague, it seems either that he is terrified of the idea of marriage or he has a particular plan about how he sees his life and he wants everything sorted with that first. I know I should be patient but sometimes I get mixed messages and its hard to work out how he see things. He is very much against the idea of a long engagement and I guess he might be waiting until everything is sorted for us financially. Reading what I've just written it seems that I have my own ideas of what it may mean but I guess what annoyed me a bit was why he said anything in the first place, I'd rather he hadn't mentioned it because it's got me trying to analyse what he means!!

akikomei 18th June 2010 05:00 AM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
how is it?
as what other said and i agree with them that he might have a Huge plan and he need to sort everything..

layfield 6th August 2010 07:31 AM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
Hello,
Ageing Grace is right that he's got HUGE ideas about how a proposal should be done. he got some good planes or may be he is thinking about his career. so i think you have to wait and tried to ask him whats the reason.


Thanks!!

john45 16th February 2011 02:28 PM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
maybe he is waiting for the right time to do it really thats what i did me and my wife been together for 20 years now and we just went with the flow really and then one moring i just said to my self im ready and thats how mine went so maybe hes got cold feet, or waiting for the right time to do it. anyway best oflukc and hope i have helped even if just a little :)

1aokgal 4th May 2011 02:05 AM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
There is the old expression, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" It just surprises me that young women think that a live-in arrangement means the wedding comes next! In many cases there is no marriage.

Why get married when you already share bed, bath, and breakfast and likely share the paychecks as well? Do you think there is a chain that links this man to make the whole commitment when things are so comfortable as they exist? There is no scary contractual obligations..like a marriage to bind. He is still single and if things don't go right...well, he is still single.

Foolish girl, pack your bags and move back home. Tell "Mr. Almost Right" you don't feel comfortable living as two when one is committed and one is not. Really this is a HUGE mistake to think all he needs now to ask you to marry him is the right moment, music, or lovely evening. You do not have the right agenda to live together.

You hoped he would be at the half-way point by sharing a flat. I say you went backwards if marriage is what you want to make your life complete. You should have been honest up front and not try to slide into a marriage later. You see women sometimes fool themselves that they are mature about these arrangements.

Your agenda is different than his. Women ARE from Mars and Men are from Venus. He is likely ducky happy as it stands. He gains nothing he doesn't already have without a marriage license.

Go home, dear girl, and see if being honest about your real desires isn't better than having your heart broken later.

Pack a bag and see if he asks you to plan a wedding. No, not blackmail..just don't waste time on someone who doesn't want the same things as you do.

PS Your question..what does that mean? A> It means he likely never intends to get married. Living together is so comfy.

Chamomile 6th May 2011 07:24 PM

Re: Relationship Advice
 
I'm sure lots of men are like that.
Do I find them honorable?
Doubt it...lol


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