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-   -   Advice for soemone getting engaged (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=1350)

Unregistered 8th November 2003 12:49 PM

Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
Our son has just got engaged. We feel really excited for him and his fiancée, but also awed by what they are taking on. What advice would you give a young couple starting out on their married life?

What has been the key for you in finding happiness and stability together? What are the really good things about your marriage? What mistakes have you learnt from and would want others to avoid? What would you do differently? What do you wish someone had said to you before you got married? Do you think you would have listened?

Sophie 28th April 2004 11:34 AM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
I would say to someone getting married that even the happiest marriages go through miserable times.

My grandparents were so in love, and were married for 65 years. Even at ninety they would have a kiss and a cuddle. But by their own admission they went through 4 years of misery during their marriage where they didn't get along at all, if it had happened now they may have got divorced but they didn't - and 4 bad years out of 65 is nothing really - they can laugh at it now. I would say to your son, be prepared to have a few awful times but lots of brilliant times, and never go to sleep on a row.

Dave 28th April 2004 08:51 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
My advice would be to "get serious about marriage preparation"!

When people get engaged they are full of love and attraction for each other - it can be very difficult to even broach some of the tougher questions that will affect the rest of their lives.

Why not buy them the "Gift of Marriage Preparation" - it's the best gift you could possibly buy any couple thinking of marrying.

Cheers

Dave

completelygutted 30th April 2004 04:16 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
Hi,

I would tell your son and future daughter in law that what they are doing is a HUGE commitment and there will be bad times. They must try and get through those bad times together. They must be aware that the vows they are taking mean they are saying to each other that if the hit an obstacle they will try their best to get around it, not to give up and walk away.

If only my wife was given the same advice maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now.

They have to be really serious about this and are making a commitment to each other to TRY. NOT TO WALK AWAY WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH.

Wishing your son and his fiance all the happiness they could ever wish for.

Andy

Ladyrider260 4th January 2005 06:38 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
How naughty, cashing in on a message board!

Sierra 19th February 2005 05:48 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
Have a modest wedding and pour the rest that you could have spent into real estate of some sort - preferably a house. The accumulating wealth over the years will prevent a host of problems before they arise.

D

Shasta 23rd February 2005 09:42 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
You won't like this but I'd tell them run away. My family and friends got so involved in making plans that it started making me sick to think about it. My husband and I just left one morning at 3:00 on a whim for the beach. I got married in a white sun dress with wildflowers in my hair, barefoot on the beach. Hired a photographer all at a grand total cost of $200. Spent the rest on my wedding fund on my honeymoon, laying on the beach in my honey's arms. Everybody was upset with us at first but we brought them souviners and hundreds of pictures. Now everyone envies my perfect stressfree wedding. Two of my friends are planning to have a wedding like mine and ask my advice. I just tell them you can't plan it;) Just leave in the middle of the night. Parents don't like this but it really was the happiest day of my life (no stress) It's a risk though we happened to be able to get our licence(it almost didn't happen) Found a sundress style wedding dress ($13) on sale, had cloudless 80 degree weather (in nov in north carolina). It would be an act of God for it to fall into place twice like it did. We joke that thats how we KNOW our marriage was God's idea and not just ours:)

spundit 29th September 2009 11:46 AM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
It sounds like your son will not have a problem with a parent like yourself already searching for advice for him. Although you should remember that you were in the same situation once and if you have passed on any qualities that you hold, I dont think you should have any concerns. Just be supportive. Help him find the perfect engagement ring. Help him with the venue, gift cards, planning the big day and financially and so on. I am not shore what sort of relationship you hold with your soon to be daughter in law, yet it would be a good idea to grow this relationship a bit further as she will soon be family. The worst thing that can happen is that you two dont get on creating a rift with your son. I am not saying you will be the best of friends yet you still need to hold a strong relationship.

Although I dont think he will need it; Good luck!

Ageing Grace 29th September 2009 10:27 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
Shasta - love your story!

To guest parent - Surely the wisest thing you can do for them is to give them an honest review of your own marriage, with your personal answers to the questions you posed. If her parents can do the same thing too, the pair of them are already better-advised than most young marrieds :)

As to pre-wedding advice: While my Dad and I waited behind the aisle, he whispered "Don't forget you can still change your mind, I've got my car keys". This is absolutely the traditional thing for the bride's father to say (makes sure the bride knows she's walking down that aisle by choice!) but I have no idea what fathers of the groom say at the same moment :confused:

Cheers. Have a great day.
AG

addymark 16th February 2010 05:22 AM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
i think you should converge a first all people of your family, no any bad idea. then teo rings for engage and arrange the dinner or lunch, disco party and enjoy and enjoy to your around, what you say its not good.

Have a good time.

vastonsmith 16th May 2015 12:04 PM

Re: Advice for soemone getting engaged
 
My grandparents were so in love, and were married for 65 years. Even at ninety they would have a kiss and a cuddle. But by their own admission they went through 4 years of misery during their marriage where they didn't get along at all, if it had happened now they may have got divorced but they didn't - and 4 bad years out of 65 is nothing really - they can laugh at it now. I would say to your son, be prepared to have a few awful times but lots of brilliant times, and never go to sleep on a row.


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