Open-marriage

[confused2]

My husband and I had a horrible argument.
I know he has been unhappy, seems kids, work,
and everything else is affecting us. During
the course of the fight it was suggested
since needs weren't met we should try an
open-marriage. I don't understand, why would
someone suggest that and then say they have no one waiting and they aren't looking? What would be the reason for saying something like this. I'm at my wits end. Help me understand why someone who says they love someone suggest this.

[confused]

Originally posted by confused2:
My husband and I had a horrible argument.
I know he has been unhappy, seems kids, work,
and everything else is affecting us. During
the course of the fight it was suggested
since needs weren't met we should try an
open-marriage. I don't understand, why would
someone suggest that and then say they have no one waiting and they aren't looking? What would be the reason for saying something like this. I'm at my wits end. Help me understand why someone who says they love someone suggest this.

Dear Confused2,

It seems to me as though you need to delve a bit further with your husband to find out just what it is that is REALLY wrong.
His suggestion of an open marriage proves one thing to me, as you quite rightly said, that he does love you. If he didnt, it would be much easier for him to either walk away, or carry on an extra marital affair.
And again, as you quite rightly said, why would he want to participate in an open marriage if he indeed loves you?.......
Try talking to him again, don't press him, but ask him if there are any underlying reasons which made him suggest it.
You may think that the situation is confusing - but imagine how confused he must be to even suggest such a thing.

You both have one thing going for you that a lot of couples do not have - and that is that you both love one and other (as you said he has told you). Whatever problems you may have, love is the firmest basis one can have to build on.

Suggest that you both see a counsellor. If he cannot talk to you about what ever it is that is troubling him, then maybe he can talk to an impartial 3rd party who would be completely unbiased.
It may also help you to talk to a professional who has most probably come across many situations similiar to your own and been of invaluable help.
All I can say is be patient. He is obviously as confused as you are. Maybe he feels 'left out' that all your attention goes on the children - something which I can say I have been guilty of (Unknowingly), and that his way of gaining some attention from you is to come out with the statement that he wants an open marriage - and boy did it get your attention. Who knows why he said it? Talk to him, try to get him to talk to somebody if it is not you, and be patient with him. He is obviously a man with a lot on his mind....