affairs

[Unregistered]

Please help me. Last week i found a hotel rec when i asked my husband he told me he had picked up a girl and had sex with her. When i asked if this has happened before he said yes about 4 or so times and a longer relationship with another girl. We have been married for 19 years and 14 years ago i had a one night stand with a guy which he know about and all this was about getting me back. He said he has no regrets and if offered may do it again even though he would like to stay with me.
I am totally floored and one min begin to feel almost normal and the next so broken i really can not bear it.
He saids these women ment nothing but i was the only true love .

I love this man with all my heart and fancy him so much the sex in our relationship is fab. One of the things i find so hurtful is he said he never put on a condon and then came home and had sex with me.

Please help i really donot know how to go on or which way to go.

[Kate]

Hi there,

I'm not surprised your emotions are up and down. From what you've said your husband does seem to be acting irresponsibly and putting his health and yours at risk. Beyond that I hear that you see fidelity as an important ingredient in your marriage even though you have slipped up yourself on one occasion. How long does he think he needs to "get you back"? and at what cost?

Have you at any time asked your husband for forgiveness (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/forgive/) for that one night stand and told him how much you regret it and want to put it behind you? Have you asked him what he thinks would make it possible for you both to start afresh on your relationship without him going off with other women? Don’t get me wrong I’m not excusing his behaviour, but if he sees that one night stand as the start of this, then that’s surely the place to start to look for a solution.

Kate

[janebusch]

thank you Kate for your reply.
I did infact print off the forgiveness sheet last night and gave it to him. He read it and found meny things in it that rang true we talked for a long time and he said that sex with these women was just that and really meant nothing to him that he loved me deeply and always would.
But he also added even though he would try to not let it happen again he could not put his hand on his heart and say it would not he looks on it now as a sport and he said he has meny times been out with and chatted up other women. Being a flirt i can deal with but not the rest.
I know even though i donot want to split with him i do not know if i can go on with wandering if he is in bed with another women.
My brain is tired of thinking and feeling confused and i know i can never go through this again.
Trying to find away forward from this point is hard.