husband's buddies

[bexter]

After 2 years of marriage, my husband wants to start hanging out with some old buddies again, who are a bit rough. Since I don't care for them, he will go by himself to to fish or play pool. I'm concerned this will lead to problems between us, leading to separate friends and interests where we are used to doing things together. What could be going on with him?:confused:

[Kate]

Bonding two individuals together in marriage can be quite a challenge. As we grow up we go from dependence on our parents to learning to be independent during adolescence and early adulthood. The later we marry the more used to doing things our way we become. Marriage is about having the confidence in ourselves and each other to respect and support the others individuality, as well as enjoying being a couple.

Often we go into marriage in the excitement of romance, with high expectations. As life settles down into a routine, we realise that the person we're married to isn't perfect, but hopefully our love and commitment is strong enough to enable us to accept and love the person, even the bits we wouldn’t mind changing!

I guess you have passed the first flush of newness and excitement in marriage and your husband wants to settle down and spend time with his old friends. Was it really part of the deal when you married that all old friends would go? Did you actually talk about that at all? It doesn't mean that he doesn't care for you anymore, but that his friends are important to him. If you think there are issues like this that you didn’t talk about before you got married, then why not look at Enrich (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/prepinc/[/url) or REFOCCUS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/foccus/[/url). Enrich has a shorter form of couple quiz on the site, which you could do together and REFOCCUS plan on having an online version available soon. They give you some opportunity to explore some issues that you may not have discussed – you could link it up with a romantic dinner together. There’s always more to discover about each other even after 20 plus years of marriage!

Have you really considered going with him to spend time with his friends and get to know them? You don't need to go every time. Perhaps you could also talk to him about it and the fears you may have. Try and sort out some special time that's just for the two of you as well, so things stay in balance.

Hope that gives you some ideas.

Best wishes

Kate:)