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sylsk8
21st March 2001, 07:35 AM
My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. All of a sudden last week he told me that he hasn't been happy and he packed some of his stuff and left. Now he is saying he wants a divorce. I don't know what to do or say to him that can make him change his mind. I can't live the rest of my life without him and I definatly can't live with the fact of maybe running into him while he is with another woman even after a divorce. What can I do? I am praying that someone can please help me. He won't talk to me at all.

Liz
22nd March 2001, 10:00 PM
It's hard to know what you can do, if he won't talk to you. Did you really have no idea there was anything wrong? If he won't talk, you could write to him and tell him how you feel and ask him to come back and work at things. Or do you have a friend who might talk to him and try and arrange a meeting between the two of you?

sylsk8
23rd March 2001, 06:30 AM
Originally posted by Liz:
It's hard to know what you can do, if he won't talk to you. Did you really have no idea there was anything wrong? If he won't talk, you could write to him and tell him how you feel and ask him to come back and work at things. Or do you have a friend who might talk to him and try and arrange a meeting between the two of you?

I seriously had no idea. I have written him letters and still no response. He says there is nothing to discuss. Several of his best friends don't even know that he has said he wants a divorce. He has just told them that he hasn't been home.

Liz
24th March 2001, 09:56 PM
If he's determined not to talk to you, you can't force him. As long as he knows you want to sort things out, you may just have to wait and give him some space for a while to sort himself out. I'm sure that will be really hard. In the meantime, take care of yourself, so that you can be strong when, he does get in touch.

sylsk8
25th March 2001, 05:57 AM
What if he has already contacted a lawyer. But still will not talk to me at all?

Kimmy
26th March 2001, 10:58 AM
Originally posted by sylsk8:
What if he has already contacted a lawyer. But still will not talk to me at all?

Sometimes as much as you love someone, you have to let them go. Several years ago when I divorced, I to tried to talk and instead of giving him the space he needed it drove him away farther until it was impossible to
ever get back together.

I know right now this is not what you want to hear but you need to think of yourself. Try counseling, if going in is too uncomfortable try on-line or over the phone.
Some insurance plans have the counselor over
the phone. It help me finally see the light
at the end of the tunnel and I have remarried
and have another child.

Liz
26th March 2001, 03:03 PM
If you think counselling would help, have a look at our counselling partners (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/). I agree with Kimmy that you may have to give him some space. I also believe that prayer helps, so if you believe in God or have friends who are Christians or even a local minister who you can approach, you can ask for help.

sylsk8
27th March 2001, 05:56 AM
I have given him his space. I havn't called or driven by where he is staying. I just don't understand why, from the very beginning, he doesn't want to talk at all. That is SOOOO unlike hime. Ususally he is the one that is tring to get me to talk.

r_brindley
29th March 2001, 10:15 AM
Your situation struck a cord with me as I am in a similar situation, I have been married only 7 months and in that time my husband has left me in exactly the same manner as you described 4 times.

Currently he has not come home for 5 days, and when he does come home he acts as if nothing happened and says he just "needed a break" - I know he is not seeing anyone else and we have each had 1 individual session of marriage counselling and then he refused the session where we were meant to go together.

My situation is like the calm before the storm, my husband has never hit me but syas spiteful things and threatens divorce all the time.

I do as you do and leave him alone and mostly he comes slinking back but then two months later the smallest disagreement will send him off again.

all I can suggest is do as I am doing and seek some individual counselling I don't have any magic answers yet but I do know I have learnt one very important thing that I can pass on to you - don't blame yourself for his childish, selfish behaviour.

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*R*B*