wife wants divorce......i dont

[Unregistered]

Ok my wife and I got married 3 days before I came to Korea. I have 3 months left and she wants a divorce. I have also not been the picture perfect guy. I have abused her but I have never hit her. I yell at her and pick her up and threw her on the bed to stop her from hitting me. There was another time when she just wanted to leave me alone and I stoped her from leaving by grabbing her and pushing her down the hall which she fell. She also has 3 children from previous marriages. I have none and we cannot have any since she had her tubes tied. Her son who she trusted with me for a day, I spanked him for running into the street and she has never forgiving for that. He also broke 2 bones in his hand from when he went down the slide at he park in town we live in. To this day she insists that I hurt him. I lied to her at first about hitting him and leaving a mark of my hand. The reason I lied is because I am terribly afraid of losing the women I love. I have admitted to everything else I have done wrong. I did nothing to his hand and she will never believe me. All of her friends tell her to leave me and get away from me. I have been going insane here in Korea and I am helpless to this situation. I don't know where to turn to, and don't know what to do, and don't know what to say. Now when I come home I am not welcomed anywhere. I don't know what to do.So have any suggestions? I want to do everything I possibly can to save my marriage and will sacrifice everything I have to do so.

[Dave]

Well my friend, you seem to have dug yourself a pretty deep pit!! You've abused your wife, hit her children, lied to her, and gone off to the other side of the world leaving her to fend for herself - and you wonder why she doesn't want you back?!!

You ask what you can do. It seems to me that you need to really take responsibility for your life and your actions. I would start by finding a really good counsellor, and get some help with your self image and with anger management. That will probably take at least the three months that you have left in Korea.

Then I'd head back and make contact with your wife in writing. Tell her that you are asking for her forgiveness, and tell her about the changes you are making in your life. Do not force her, or start using any other silly tactics - they will simply backfire once again. Maybe, just maybe, she will respond and offer to move the relationship forward.

If not, then you need to accept that there are consequences from your previous actions, and start to re-build life without them, making sure as you do so that you never misuse people in the way you have again.

I'm sorry if this is tough, but there are some consequences from our actions that will live with us for the rest of our lives, no matter how contrite we may feel.

Dave