Messy Love affair

[Ana]

i am married for 12 years, my marriage has a lot of challenges leaving me with so many unpleasant memories. i am hurt physically and mentally. my husband is my constant emotional hurt who does not priorities me. recently i shared my family problems to my colleague. He was so touched, infact he is my husband's friend too!..Our friendship has now formed into a relationship. We are both madly in love with each other. i am willing even to walk out of my marriage, but i have 2 children,one 2yr old the other 9, both the kids are very attached to their dad. Seeing me struggling so much between two man, my lover decided and insisted that i should stay on with my family and he will love me wherever he is and promised will offer any kind of help. i know he is genuine, for he is my first love too!

now i am stuck, i am carrying one man in heart and sleeping with another, i can't help feeling so lousy that i even tried committing suicide. i cry in bus, train in street whenever i recall the beautiful moments i have with my lover, truly he is my gift. but leaving my kids is not possible too!i feel so pitiful for them! i have loosing sleep, diet and lately feeling so confused, i can't forget or forego my lover but he is strongly not infavour of me abandoning my family..............meanwhile i think he must have prayed for my family and all of sudden my husband is so nice to me! but i still love my lover??

[Jeni]

Are you a Christian? It sounds as if your boyfriend is?

Have you asked God to heal your marriage? Surely you made a lifelong commitment to your husband, so you should try and avoid being with your boyfriend. It's just putting temptation in your way.

[Kate]

Dear Ana,

It is so easy to get drawn to someone else who is sympathetic and who values us when we are feeling disappointed, let down or hurt by our husband. But marriage is about making a commitment to work through the difficult times and there must be hope since you've noticed some improvement in your husband's attitude. It's wonderful that your friend is praying for you.

I tend to agree with the other posting that you would do best to keep away from your "lover" and certainly not see him alone or try to contact him in any way that's not out in the open. If he really loves you and wants what's best for you then he'll want to see your marriage repaired however painful for him.

Love is not just about having loving feelings. You might like to look at some of the articles on this topic. All you need is love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/loveis/) and Feelings (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/feelings/) are about how we see love and respond to our feelings. Marriage is about commitment through the tough times as well as the good times.

Have you taken any steps to talk to your husband (not about your colleague, but about your marriage) or seek help for your relationship as a couple? There is counselling (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/), or it may simply be a matter of trying an enrichment course (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/datelist.html), your husband may not be aware of your needs or even that he is hurting you.God's grace is available for you to repair and heal your marriage, if you can trust him for that.