Online Infidelity

[Dee Dee]

I recently caught my husband conversing with women he met on an adult website. In the emails he sent he talked to them very explicitly about sex and even went as far as to try to set up a place to meet. I then set up a mailbox account under an assumed identity and emailed him as if I was one of these women. He set up a time and place to met and I shocked him when I pulled up. He says he has never done this before and has never cheated. I don't know if I should believe him. I can say that he deleted his email addresses and hasn't been on the computer since. Your advice??

[Kate]

Perhaps your actions have been enough to shock him, but you both need to rebuild trust and that is something that you need to work on together. Have a look at the article on the site on trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/)and talk about it together, so that you understand how the other sees trust. One principle we try to work on is to ask ourselves if anything we're doing we wouldn't be willing to tell our spouse about - before we do it! If we want to hide anything, then why do we want to do it if we're afraid it will upset the one we love? That sort of transparency builds trust and closeness with one another.

Best wishes

Kate