Always Fighting

[leep00us]

I sit at home all day and do nothing so on the weekends I want to get out and do something but my wife never wants to go anywhere. We used to go out to bars or clubs and we had fun but she doesnt want to do that anymore so I asked for her to get an idea but she never finds one. So we end up arguing about not going anywhere, so Ill say why cant we go anywhere and finally after to many times of asking she says she doesnt have money to go anywhere. I couldnt beleive that didnt tell me about this sooner like why did she lie and not tell me, and then she says she loaned money to someone she doesnt hardly know $20,000 and never got it back. I had asked her before that we need to always talk about money together so it took a fight for her to tell me the truth. Then I ask her why she lied and she wont answer me so I already dont like that she has a different religion so I say to her maybe her religion made her lie to me and then we start arguing more about that. How can we just stop arguing? Everyday is same and we argue about the same thing. I need to find something me and her can do before we end up losing our marrige. I just want to stop fighting with her and we cant seem to talk like normal people about it.

[Kate]

Dear leep00us

What a bundle of issues are wrapped up in your letter!

I wonder how you would have reacted if she had told you up front. If you are always arguing, then perhaps she hoped that by avoiding the issue, it might sort itself out.

Fighting itself isn't necessarily bad for a relationship, it depends how we deal with it. You might like to look at some of the articles (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffhurtforg/) about it on the site.

You now have an issue of trust to consider. Again there is an article (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) which can help you think through how you see trust and what would help you to trust each other.

If you are quite different in how you see life that may lead to arguments. You mention religious differences so it's possible you do see things differently. This doesn't have to spoil your relationship, but it helps to understand what those differences are. You might try our Personality Profiler (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/pp/personprofile1.html).

Is there any reason, why you sit at home all week doing nothing? Is it not possible for you to find something to absorb you during the week, so that you don't have to get out every weekend, when perhaps your wife needs to unwind at home sometimes.

All the best

Kate