Family Loyalty

[Zarra_hopkins]

I have a new problem that arouse on Friday, My hubby owns his own business, which included his sister, brother in law and dad.

On Friday his sister was sacked, for having an argument with another member of staff. This is fine, as she has had warnings about it before. but it was the way she was sacked that is the problem.

My hubby was in on a meeting at the time it all happened, now his business partner is against family in the business and has had it in for them for a while. Hubby left it up to him to make the decision, Big problem is the staff member the sister had argument with is business partners golden girl, so sister never got to express her version of events and was fired on the spot.

Are you all following me????

Hubbys sister is very upset that she was fired due to having an argument with bosses golden girl, but golden girls account is that it was an unprovoked attack, but then had any argument happened when provocation isn't involved.

What I have a problem with, is hubby doesn't and will not understand the reason his sister is upset with him, if he was involved then everything would have been alright, because she still would have been sacked, but so would the other girl, but now because his business partner is spinning him a story about golden girl. he won't believe a bad word against her, even when I have had my own problems with her, and I don't know what to do?

It's got to the point where she knows she has the bosses wrapped around her finger that she has started attacking the rest of the family with bitchy comments even me, and my hubby will not believe a word of it, and this is making things very difficult for me!!!!!

How can I be loyal and support my hubby, when I know what has happened is wrong, and he wont see it. We were going to a family party on Saturday and sister asked hubby not to go, but I still went as I felt I had to, now hubby says im being disloyal. What do you think. Im not taking sides I just want hubby to see what his sister wasn't the only one at fault.

Any suggestions on what I can do??

I have tried to butt out of it, but I cannot stand by and watch my hubby taken for a ride like his is.

Thanks for reading if you got this far, and I hope it all makes sense.

Zarra

[Dave]

Hi Zarra,

Mixing family and business is never easy - indeed that's why many companies expressly avoid it. Still in the case you have outlined it does seem to me there are a few things you can do:-

- first is to decide where your priorities lie. Looking from the outside, whether you believe hubby is right or wrong, your first loyalty should be to him, and to your marriage. You may well judge that he is being taken for a ride, but what your relationship needs is for you to be open with each other, and in a way that affirms each other's value irrespective of the issues involved. I don't always agree with Liz, and I will tell her so; but then I will also affirm her value, and support her in making the decision she judges to be right.

- secondly, I would simply avoid getting drawn into these squabbles. Be clear in your own mind that there are family relationships (which you want to continue), and steer clear of the work ones. Your relationship will be healthier if you can help leave the officce at the front door, not drag it into the bedroom (especially given your earlier posting)

- thirdly I'd really try to be clear on your personal motives for going against your husbands wishes. Is there just a little bit of power politics going on here?? Perhaps a desire to "prove him wrong"??

Finally, this could all turn into a very expensive business issue if it turns into a case of unfair dismissal etc. Hubby is probably well aware of this, and it may represeent a real risk. Doesn't your loyalty to him as a hubby mean you should be sharing his fears and concerns, not criticising and undermining him??

Just some thoughts

Dave

[Zarra_hopkins]

Thanks dave for your words of wisdom.

You have given me a lot to think about , and jus in time aswell, hubby called to say he'll be home at 11 to talk to me........

I think i know what i should do.

I might be back tomorrow asking for some more advice, but lets hope not..


Thanks again

zarra