New problem with old in-laws

[AJQ]

My in-laws and I have had a splennded relationship for the duration of our marriage (20yrs). My father-in-law retired in Dec. last yr. and has become increasingly demanding of my husbands time. I really don't think my husband is aware of what is going on. We have been meeting at a local pub for a couple of hours nearly every Friday for several months.
Recently my husband has started working 12-14 hrs at his regular job, on top of the hours we work together at our part-time job. Fridays he usually gets off early. My father-in-law has been making arrangements to make sure my husband gets to the pub, i.e. attempting to pick him up at work before I get there to pick him up. Then when I find this out, he says, "I think husband didn't think you were comming." I always do!
This is just a short example of things going on, there is more, but don't want to be too lengthy.
Please share some thoughts and ideas how to approach this. I do feel that our time together alone is more important and valuable.

[Kate]

Hi AJQ,

I haven't come across anything like this before, but can remember some of the friction there can be with in-laws at various points in marriage. We found that it was important for us to talk it through and be of one mind. Perhaps you could broach the subject gently with your husband and, if you can, tell him that you want to be supportive of his parents, but can you agree some boundaries to do this.

Is there any way you can pre-empt your father-in law, by ringing him earlier in the day and saying you're planning on picking your husband up and you wanted to save him the trouble and look forward to seeing him later? Perhaps between you and your husband you can organise some occasions to involve your father-in-law or even ask him for his help. Perhaps he's a bit lost without his work and needs encouraging to do more. That way you are a bit more in control of the agenda.

Just a few ideas

All the best

Kate