mosteelerfan
26th August 2002, 07:21 PM
My husband says he loves me and our family but continues to put our marriage in jeopardy. We had some friends over this past weekend. My husband and the other husband had bought some alcohol and kept encouraging me and the other women to drink. I really do not enjoy drinking but I have been trying to do what ever it takes to save my marriage. The whole time my husband and this other man kept asking us to take off our clothes and go skinny dipping. But it wasn't just that they really were pushing to have us swap partners. I kept asking my husband was this really what he wanted, me to be wiht another man, and for him to be with another women. I just do not want anything to do with that. he tellas me I am too uptight and that I take things too serious. Well after drinking too much they convinced me and helped me take off my clothes. I immediately put them back on but this other man touched my breast and tried to put them in his mouth. I am disgusted with myself. I am a good mom who loves my babies, I am so ashamed that I let this happen. But what is worse is that my husband was encouraging this. he was laughing and trying to get us into the water and he was trying to touch this other women.
I am so confused that this happened, I asked my husband if this was what he wanted. He said that it was a male thing and he was just curious about other women and about seeing me wiht other men or other women. That is hos fantasy, to see me wiht another women. He said that it intrigued him to see me wiht another man, it turned him on.
I am just sick to death about this, I really do not want to be a part of any of that behavior. I am afraid that it means that he will only get worse, we have had similar troubles in the past. We have been married for ten years and I try really hard. I try to be a good wife, I try to take care of his needs, I am a good wife. I take care of his kids and his house, but it is just not enough. He seems to think that soemthing is wrong with me, especially since this other women did not have any trouble with the swap.
I am so ashamed of myself, but even more I am so dissapointed in him. I don't see how I can be that important to him if he can so easily jeopardize our relationship. He was trying so hard to make something happen this weekend that he got me drunk. I have to wonder how mch he really is concerned for my well-being if he can so easily put me into a vulnerable position and try to take advantage of me. He says it was all in good fun, and that he meant nothing by it, he was just curious. I feel in my heart that I cannot trust him, that he will always do things like this. I just want something different than this. I feel like we are not in the same place, that I value things differently than him. I try to explain it to him but it just makes me feel inadequate. All these things are just small and trivial to him, but to me they show that something is missing for both of us. I just know that we feel differently and I do not see how we can ever get to the same place. If we value different things than we will always fail at meeting one anothers needs. I value something that he considers trivial. I can only see things getting worse, and this is just to painful.
To me marriage and commitment do not include this kind of behavior. I think of myself as his, and I only share myself wiht him, its my gift to him. But I know that he doesn't care and I am so scared of what will happen next. Why doesn't he love me? How can he do this to us? Should I trust my instincts and leave now before it gets worse, before he goes even further and does more permanent damage.
I am not sure what to do, but I know that something has to change, I know neither of us really can meet the others needs. I can't be the type of women who can swap partners or have other men touch me or watch other women touch him. I can't be treated like a doormat or be taken advantage of. I deserve better. And I love him and want him to be happy. I don't feel like I can make him happy, he needs someone different than me. He says its because he is male but I know men that would never do those things. I just don't have any hope rihgt now, I am sick about my behavior, and I don't ever wan to feel this ashamed of myself again. I just wish I meant more to him, I wish he could cherish me and value our relationship but I know that he doesn't and probably never will, not the way I do....Help!
I am so confused that this happened, I asked my husband if this was what he wanted. He said that it was a male thing and he was just curious about other women and about seeing me wiht other men or other women. That is hos fantasy, to see me wiht another women. He said that it intrigued him to see me wiht another man, it turned him on.
I am just sick to death about this, I really do not want to be a part of any of that behavior. I am afraid that it means that he will only get worse, we have had similar troubles in the past. We have been married for ten years and I try really hard. I try to be a good wife, I try to take care of his needs, I am a good wife. I take care of his kids and his house, but it is just not enough. He seems to think that soemthing is wrong with me, especially since this other women did not have any trouble with the swap.
I am so ashamed of myself, but even more I am so dissapointed in him. I don't see how I can be that important to him if he can so easily jeopardize our relationship. He was trying so hard to make something happen this weekend that he got me drunk. I have to wonder how mch he really is concerned for my well-being if he can so easily put me into a vulnerable position and try to take advantage of me. He says it was all in good fun, and that he meant nothing by it, he was just curious. I feel in my heart that I cannot trust him, that he will always do things like this. I just want something different than this. I feel like we are not in the same place, that I value things differently than him. I try to explain it to him but it just makes me feel inadequate. All these things are just small and trivial to him, but to me they show that something is missing for both of us. I just know that we feel differently and I do not see how we can ever get to the same place. If we value different things than we will always fail at meeting one anothers needs. I value something that he considers trivial. I can only see things getting worse, and this is just to painful.
To me marriage and commitment do not include this kind of behavior. I think of myself as his, and I only share myself wiht him, its my gift to him. But I know that he doesn't care and I am so scared of what will happen next. Why doesn't he love me? How can he do this to us? Should I trust my instincts and leave now before it gets worse, before he goes even further and does more permanent damage.
I am not sure what to do, but I know that something has to change, I know neither of us really can meet the others needs. I can't be the type of women who can swap partners or have other men touch me or watch other women touch him. I can't be treated like a doormat or be taken advantage of. I deserve better. And I love him and want him to be happy. I don't feel like I can make him happy, he needs someone different than me. He says its because he is male but I know men that would never do those things. I just don't have any hope rihgt now, I am sick about my behavior, and I don't ever wan to feel this ashamed of myself again. I just wish I meant more to him, I wish he could cherish me and value our relationship but I know that he doesn't and probably never will, not the way I do....Help!