when will I feel better?

[unhappy]

Last November I found out that my husband had been having an affair for 3 months. He had met the woman at a drama group which I had encouraged him to join. He had met her in around March 2000 and the sexual affair had started in early September. When I found out after reading his diary - which is something I have not done before he was extremely sorry and said that he did not want our marriage to end. He telephoned the woman in front of me and ended the relationship. Other than a few angry and threatening e-mails just after ending the affair he has had no contact with her since. He is trying very hard to make the marriage work, being honest, talking to me and answering my questions, giving me reassurance when he is home late. However I feel it is taking me a long time to feel even a little bit better. I am still very tearful and the thought of him being intimate with another woman dominates my thoughts and makes me feel so miserable. He told many lies to me during the affair, including where he was and he even took her with him on two work trips. I am usually confident and have a prrofessional job but right now I feel as if I'm not worth anything. We have just began to see someone from Relate but I want to know if there is anything else I can do to feel more positive about my situation. Please help!

[metoo]

I know how you feel. My husband had a three month affair and I found out in Oct of 98. I am still struggling with all the things you are. Time is supposed to heal things, but it is not really working with me. My husband has done everything right since I found out but it doesn't seem to be enough. I know that now it is up to me to get past my own insecurites. He has done everything he can and I have to either find a way to get past it or decide to let him go and get on with my life on my own. I know we can't stay in this place much longer, it is too hard on both of us. I am working really hard to believe that he loves me and that things can be good between us again. I am going to go to counseling on my own now because now it is I who has the problem. Sometimes it seems very unfair that they are the ones who did this terrible thing to us and we are the ones who have all this work to do if we want to save our marriage. It would be great to say t omy husband, you messed up, you fix it. But the truth is that now something is broken inside of me and I am the only one who can fix it. I guess this didn't help you very much, but at least you know you are not alone.

Take care.

[unhappy]

Originally posted by unhappy:
Last November I found out that my husband had been having an affair for 3 months. He had met the woman at a drama group which I had encouraged him to join. He had met her in around March 2000 and the sexual affair had started in early September. When I found out after reading his diary - which is something I have not done before he was extremely sorry and said that he did not want our marriage to end. He telephoned the woman in front of me and ended the relationship. Other than a few angry and threatening e-mails just after ending the affair he has had no contact with her since. He is trying very hard to make the marriage work, being honest, talking to me and answering my questions, giving me reassurance when he is home late. However I feel it is taking me a long time to feel even a little bit better. I am still very tearful and the thought of him being intimate with another woman dominates my thoughts and makes me feel so miserable. He told many lies to me during the affair, including where he was and he even took her with him on two work trips. I am usually confident and have a prrofessional job but right now I feel as if I'm not worth anything. We have just began to see someone from Relate but I want to know if there is anything else I can do to feel more positive about my situation. Please help!

Thank you your reply is helpful becuase it tells me that even though my husband was the one who had the affair. I must work just as hard to put the marriage together again. Maybe I have to work even harder than he does because I have to learn to trust him and overcome the hurt I feel. My husband says that from the day I found out he had no doubt that it was me he loved and that his relationship with the OW was a fantasy that he built up in to something it was not. However I had met the OW and although I'm not in a hurry for I guess I'll meet her again in the future because of the social circles we move in. I hope when that day comes I will be able to demonstrate dignity.