need help with online affair

[Unregistered]

I have suspected my husband for over 4 years but never had any proof. Well I just found out 4 days ago that he was having an online affair for a long time. He says a year and a half she says 3 and a half years. We have had 2 more children during this time too. She would constantly call my house while I was at work also. He keeps giving me conflicting stories and won't answer any of my questions or gets mad when I ask. He tells me I am dwelling on it too much. We have been together for 16 years and will have been married 13 next month and we also have 4 children. I am having such a hard time dealing with this. He thinks it is morbid that I want answers. I just don't know what to do. I'll give him credit he has not been online since I found out. But I know that won't last he can't stay away from his online friends. well thanks for listening to me.

[Kate]

Your story will be recognised by quite a few visitors to the forum. While the internet brings lots of benefits it seems to bring problems too. It allows men (and women) to play at having an affair while kidding themselves that it's "virtual reality". They often don't see how they are breaking trust just as badly as going out with someone. As you say - it is an affair and needs to be delat with as one.

There are two areas of the site that you might find helpful: the one on affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and how people react to them and can handle them, and one specifically on internet related affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/) etc.

It's good to know that your husband appears to have stopped going out on line. I hope he's willing to turn his back on his affair and try to begin to rebuild the trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) between you.

Best wishes

Kate

[Unregistered]

This could be the exact story of my marriage. Are you sure that the affair has ended? If so, great. I thought it had and was shocked to find out one year later that she was still persuing him. You need to stop asking about the details of the affair, you'll NEVER get them. He's a man, it was not all that for him (believe me) just a fun sneaky thing to do. If you want to keep your husband, and still need some answers try for answers that only involve him. What did you get from the relationship that we need to work on in ours? Things like this, but try not to do it much. If you do not cease, he will leave you. I only tell you this, because I have lived it, and made these exact mistakes. The more I talked about it, the fresher it became for me, the pain would resurface and anger would seep in. Then my mind would run wild, how many affairs was it really? Is he having one now? Its simply not worth tearing yourself up over and it will tear up your marriage. Try to get away with the hubby somewhere alone for a while and reconnect to each other.