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View Full Version : Too tired to try anymore


Unregistered
21st August 2002, 09:15 PM
Where do I begin? History, I have come from a family where my mother and father called each other every name in the book in front of us growing up. There relationship was violent, but never physically violent. Now it's my turn. Been married for 10 years. After we got married I found out everything he told me
about himself was a lie. From where he went to high school to him not completing college ect..
Then he began to go out all night drinking with the guys after work. After a year of this he finally stopped. He began to drink again on weekends. He didn't know when to stop from Friday to Sunday. After 7 years of this he has stopped drinking . Three years ago at the age of 31 I had a stroke due to lyme disease in my brain. He was not there for me at all. Not at the hospital or during the previous two years of me being sick from the lyme disease. He
moved me a state away from my family, while I had four children. Three under the age of four during all of this. I really need friends and family help, but he said he was sick of seeing them all the time. HELLO! I was sick!
He has been mentally abusive to me. He has done things in front of the children. He has never hit me. He did once throw a trash can at me in front of my teenage son. He has spit on me several times when he is mad. I have finally desided I want out!!!!! I can't take the fighting another minute. My children now treat me like crap. They will think nothing of screaming at me, like he does. The think nothing of telling me no. He has now swore he is going
to change. He has swore that he see's all the mental abuse he has put me through and that he loves me with all of his heart and really wants to change. All he talks about is how or when I am going to feel the same about him. Right now I am sick of talking about any of it! I don't even know if I want to change anything. I am scared to death to leave, because I do believe he loves me. He is a wonderful father and my whole family loves him. He does
little things like notices even when I wear a different shade of eye shadow. However, he has lowered my self esteem. I am so afraid to make a go of it on my own and find out I have made a mistake. We have done marriage counceling 3X and he has never changed. I don't want to do it again. Please give me some advise, since my family think I am nuts to leave such a wonderful man.

Unregistered
22nd August 2002, 11:07 PM
Hello my dear. I was in a relationship just like this for 17 years, I truly did not know who I was. I stayed because I had no family to support or help me in any way, I did not know how to survive without him. I had lost all my confidence, I had low self esteem. My children were abused by this bully and I was too weak to stop it. I tried twice to divorce him and backed out and stayed, he would be nice for a few weeks and it would all start again.

Some how I found the strength to start divorce proceedings for the third time, I was terrified, absolutely terrified, I did not know how I was going to cope in this life, but somehow I got the strength to go through with it. I made many mistakes, many mistakes, I got involved with another man because I could not face the future without one, this again was another mistake (or experience as I now prefer to call it). I would say to you to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am now free of that man and have been for many years, and boy am I glad, I look back at it all and cant believe I stayed for 17 terrible years.

You can do it. YOU CAN DO IT. Ask your self how will you feel in 10-20 years time if you have stayed because you have no faith in yourself, because you allowed the fear of the future (that you do not yet know).

I understand how you are feeling. If you are truly unhappy, if you hate waking each day next to this man, if you want to smile again then nothing abosolutely nothing can be as bad as where you have come from............can it.........think about that.

Good luck my dear. Walk on with hope in your heart.

Sue

Kate
29th August 2002, 04:18 PM
It sounds to me as if one of the major issues for you is "trust". Can you believe what he is saying and trust that he has changed and will go on changing? You might find the article on Learning to Trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) again helpful to clear your mind. Another major issue is whether you can forgive (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/forgive/) him for all the hurt he has caused. Again there is an article you could look at.

Remember that you are a special unique person - there is no one else like you in all of creation! You have lots of gifts and qualities. You've been a faithful wife and mother and your husband in his strange way loves you and I'm sure your children do too. You say your husband has taken away your self worth - that's not his to take away, your value is not measured by what he thinks of you or how he treats you.

Let us know how things are going.

All the best

Kate