My marriage is falling apart!

[babytoluv]

I have been married for almost six years with a one year old son. My husband basically told me in May that he didn't love me anymore and was unhappy with our marriage. He refuses to see a Counselor so I decided to go myself. I learned that he is verbally abusing me. He says "I am done with you" which I can only take to mean that he is ready to end our marriage, although he hasn't come out and said it. We are building a house to be done by the end of the year and I suspect that once that house is built he will be moving into it. I found out through my mother in law that my husband doesn't want to work on our marriage. I asked him what will happen to me and he said "you have a family". I asked him what will happen to the baby and he said "whoever can properly take care of him". He has accused me of being a bad mother.

I am currently taking anti-depressents as I had post partum depression after my son was born that has turned into an Anxiety Disorder due to everything that is happening. I'm afraid that my husband and MIL can use that against me should he file for Divorce. I feel that I am a good mother but I admit that I made a few mistakes along the way like not watching him close enough and the baby falling off his changing table (he was okay). Things like that.

I really could use some advice and support!

Thanks!

[babytoluv]

I posted here because I really needed some advice and no one is helping me. Is my problem too hard to answer? Please someone help me!

[confused_husband]

I am in a similar boat as you. We have no kids but my wife has basically said the same as your husband. She moved out two weeks ago. I suspect that your husband is afraid to work on the marriage as is my wife. They probably both have a hard time commiting to the vows and don't want to fce any hard times. Try to talk to your husband and find a good Church elder or pastor to talk to. Prayer is the best medicine. My wife has also used the same phrase that "you have your family here" it is just an excuse to justify giving up. I hope my insight helps. My best advice is to sow him more love as he gets harder in his feeling towards you.

[Kate]

I'm sorry it was a while before anyone posted a response. We've had staff off on holiday here - they needed a break. We do normally check the forums daily but there have been lots of postings recently.

You seem to have had a tough time starting a family. It can bring all sorts of pressures and post natal depression is awful. I had a touch of that myself with our third. Suddenly all sorts of things have changed for you both and you have been struggling to cope. It's probably not quite what your husband was expecting. He probably wasn't prepared for what has happened any more than you were.

Most new mums make mistakes and don't cope all the time. It's good you're getting medical treatment. You can also do quite a lot in the way of life style changes to come with PND (or PPD as you call it). Eating a healthy diet low in sugary foods but higher in fruit, veg and wholemeal products can help. Getting plenty of rest and regular exercise and being kind to yourself and not too hard on yourself can all help. I found a good vitamin and mineral supplement helped me over a period of about three months.

Are there any mums and toddlers groups around that you could get out to and meet other mums?

It's not easy to know whether your husband really ahs given up or whether he's desperate and doesn't know how to reach out to you right now. if you're suffering from anxiety, everything that happens will be slightly coloured in a negative hue.

See what you can do to get your self stronger and fitter and it may be that you can also find a way forward in your marriage too. That lovely baby you have needs you both.

All the best

Kate