arcos
15th January 2012, 04:32 AM
A little help and advice needed please.....
Christmas day I called to speak to my children and received a torrent of foul abuse from my ex, refusal to speak to my children and the phone slammed down...
I then received 'demanding' sms message from her to give my consent for her to leave the country with the children with nothing more than "Give your consent for me to take the boys out of the country by 9am tomorrow morning".
When I asked for details of where, how long I simply received the same demand.
Today I have received an email from my lawyer with an 'official' request from my ex to leave the country with the children to another country where there is no connection whatsoever. No family, no friends, no support network...
I am currently out of the country, working on a 3 - 6 month contract, not even 2 months in.
I only took this opportunity because my ex broke the court order relating to custody of the children and I felt that I needed a 'break' from the constant "Me, Me, Me" my ex is prone to having, amongst other things. I was tired, worn down by two and a half years of her thoughtlessness, her selfishness.
So now, 5500 miles away, I receive this 'request'.
My initial reaction was absolutely not! An immediate 'selfish' reaction...
However, after some hours of thought, some hours of contemplation, my answer still remains absolutely not!
There are far too many things that are unanswered, no divorce, no divorce agreement. So many questions... Who will take care of our property? Who will take care of the children whilst she is working? Who will run 'our' business? What will my access terms be? So many questions...
Until there is some form of agreement, some binding agreement regarding my access to the children, some form of agreement on settlement, so form of agreement to divorce then how can I agree to let her move and take the children to another foreign country that will simply make things even harder to find an agreement on so many different things, for me to see the children?
One of my biggest problems is that I simply cannot trust her. I cannot trust her to keep to court orders, I cannot trust her 'word', which has been broken more times than I care to remember, I cannot trust her to stay in her 'new' chosen country without absconding with the children and I would never know where they are!
I also fear for the children's stability should I give my consent... Since our separation there has been a string of boyfriends, a number of whom have lived with her and the children. The latest live in boyfriend left about 2 months ago, after their 6 month relationship ended.
My response to my lawyer has been this....
"The ONLY reason that I am here is because of her refusal to allow me to see the children! You have seen for yourself how 'difficult' things have been over the past two and a half years trying to get anywhere with her...
Had 'she' continued with the court agreement and allowed me to see the children under the agreed terms then everything would have continued as normal."
"... Furthermore, I am not sure that I want the children moving from xxxxxxxx.
I would happily come back to xxxxxxx and care for the boys whilst she went away to work in xxxxx!
Would 'she' give her consent for the children to move to xxxxxxxxxx and live here with me? Would she give her 'consent' for the children to come and stay with me here for holidays/extended holidays?"
Am I being selfish now? Should I give my consent and just let her get on with her 'new' life?
In doing so I would be 'giving up' on my children... I have NO doubt about that! I would be losing my children forever.
Should I just move on, forget the children, forget her, forget the life I had and build myself a new life here, never to return to Europe?
Please, I need some seriously good advice on this one... Please
Christmas day I called to speak to my children and received a torrent of foul abuse from my ex, refusal to speak to my children and the phone slammed down...
I then received 'demanding' sms message from her to give my consent for her to leave the country with the children with nothing more than "Give your consent for me to take the boys out of the country by 9am tomorrow morning".
When I asked for details of where, how long I simply received the same demand.
Today I have received an email from my lawyer with an 'official' request from my ex to leave the country with the children to another country where there is no connection whatsoever. No family, no friends, no support network...
I am currently out of the country, working on a 3 - 6 month contract, not even 2 months in.
I only took this opportunity because my ex broke the court order relating to custody of the children and I felt that I needed a 'break' from the constant "Me, Me, Me" my ex is prone to having, amongst other things. I was tired, worn down by two and a half years of her thoughtlessness, her selfishness.
So now, 5500 miles away, I receive this 'request'.
My initial reaction was absolutely not! An immediate 'selfish' reaction...
However, after some hours of thought, some hours of contemplation, my answer still remains absolutely not!
There are far too many things that are unanswered, no divorce, no divorce agreement. So many questions... Who will take care of our property? Who will take care of the children whilst she is working? Who will run 'our' business? What will my access terms be? So many questions...
Until there is some form of agreement, some binding agreement regarding my access to the children, some form of agreement on settlement, so form of agreement to divorce then how can I agree to let her move and take the children to another foreign country that will simply make things even harder to find an agreement on so many different things, for me to see the children?
One of my biggest problems is that I simply cannot trust her. I cannot trust her to keep to court orders, I cannot trust her 'word', which has been broken more times than I care to remember, I cannot trust her to stay in her 'new' chosen country without absconding with the children and I would never know where they are!
I also fear for the children's stability should I give my consent... Since our separation there has been a string of boyfriends, a number of whom have lived with her and the children. The latest live in boyfriend left about 2 months ago, after their 6 month relationship ended.
My response to my lawyer has been this....
"The ONLY reason that I am here is because of her refusal to allow me to see the children! You have seen for yourself how 'difficult' things have been over the past two and a half years trying to get anywhere with her...
Had 'she' continued with the court agreement and allowed me to see the children under the agreed terms then everything would have continued as normal."
"... Furthermore, I am not sure that I want the children moving from xxxxxxxx.
I would happily come back to xxxxxxx and care for the boys whilst she went away to work in xxxxx!
Would 'she' give her consent for the children to move to xxxxxxxxxx and live here with me? Would she give her 'consent' for the children to come and stay with me here for holidays/extended holidays?"
Am I being selfish now? Should I give my consent and just let her get on with her 'new' life?
In doing so I would be 'giving up' on my children... I have NO doubt about that! I would be losing my children forever.
Should I just move on, forget the children, forget her, forget the life I had and build myself a new life here, never to return to Europe?
Please, I need some seriously good advice on this one... Please