Marriage with no sex.

[Unregistered]

MY husband and I have been together for 17 years and married for 10, second time round for both of us. In the early days, as you would expect, sex was great and plenty of it. Over the years I would expect that our relationship moved towards a new maturity with sex being not so urgent, but still pleasurable and present. It has not turned out this way at all. We make love perhaps once or twice a year, and even then not very successfully. (Things arn't helped by my husband sleeping seperately due to very bad snoring problem). This has been going on for about 7 –8 years and I am feeling ever more rejected, neglected and unloved. My self esteem is at rock bottom as is my confidence. I occasionally attempt to discuss our problems with my husband in the hope it will bring us together a bit. He is generally not interested and mostly has little to say and would prefer not to discuss anything. However he did go so far as to say that he doesn’t fancy me because I’m overweight. I pointed out that I was overweight when he met me and when we married and I’m no different now. It seems all wrong to me to marry someone and keep them hanging on for years with the promise that things will get better only to tell them in the end that you don’t fancy them and you are never likely to. It seems like I have been hanging on in there trying to get us together, hoping that one day we will rediscover our romance but now I feel like I've been such a fool to even think it possible. Can marriage be good without sex? Is it worth trying to save our marriage? Has anyone else been in this situation?

[Kate]

Some interesting results on your poll. I seem to be the only one who thinks that a marriage can survive without sex. Perhaps it's because I've known couples who have been through this for various reasons, but have agreed together to accept the situation. I'm not suggesting that for you.

Have you tried asking your husband what would help him to be more interested in your physical relationship? Have you thought of some romantic settings and things to do and of course you don't have to make love in bed! There are some ideas for romance in the Coffee Shop (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/coffeeshop/) and some tips for strengthening the physical side of your relationship in the Health Club area (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthsex/)

I wonder have you let your appearance go a bit because he's not apparently not interested. Can you believe in yourself and make some effort to take acre of yourself physically and try to find ways to show your affection for him. making love is something that can begin at any time of the day, by the way we are with each other, being tender, playful caring. it may seem hard to have to be the one who makes the effort, but isn't he and your marriage worth it?