Husband wants to leave

[Ana]

For the last 2 months, my husband has been acting a little odd. He is going to the gym and playing squash 7 nights a week. I hardly ever see him. He also does not touch me as much as he used to.
I asked him what was wrong, and last night I eventually dragged it out of him! He says he wants to end our relationship. We have been together for 16 years and married for 9 years. We have had a great marriage, obviously the normal ups and downs, but never any major problems. He says that he does not love me spiritually any more. I don't think there is anyone else, even when he goes to play squash, I know that he definately does.
I suggested we see someone but he thinks it will be a waste of money. Should I make an appointment to see a marriage counsellor? I love him so much it hurts. I do realise now that I have taken him for granted. Unfortunately I am not a very emotional person, and he wants a lot of warmth from me which he does not get. I am sure that I can change.

[Kate]

Ana,

I wonder what your husband meaans when he says that eh doesn't love you spiritually. Love is not just a feeling - it's a decision, an act of the will, a commitment. Is he saying that he doesn't feel loving towards you or is he saying he doesn't want to stick to his commitment? When we drift apart it's easy for us to get discouraged and think there's little future, but there can be as much future as we choose to both give it.

If your mariage is worth anything then it's worth everything, you can't put a price on it. You could try counselling. You could also look at some of the articles in our Basic Relationship Skills (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/) area to see what you can do to let your man know how much you love him. I'm sure the emotions are there, you just have to learn how to identify them and express them in a way that wamrs your man's heart.

You obviously love him and want to show that love rather than go off in a sulk. You've said you are prepared to change. Those are good things in you and your marriage that you are prepared to build on. You say you're really missing the fact he doesn't touch you so much anymore, so the warmth obviously means more to you than you thought. Perhaps you can surprise him by expressing the warmth that's in you heart for him - that love that's so strong that it really hurts!

All the best

Kate