surviving infidelity

[Tess]

We were married in October at the first of December my husband was beginning an affair. Turns out he is Bi-polar and was in a manic stage. He was horrible to me for months. Now he is seeking help for Bi-polar and we are trying to repair our marriage. It is August now and he is trying and I am so devastated. The affair has changed me I cant get ready to go out without it taking 2 hours. If we go out if he so much as looks anywhere but at me, I start reliving the pain and begin to believe that he is seeing the bartender or anyone. I can't escape the pain and my mind won't quit. I flip out , scream, and break anything around. This is not who I used to be but I don't have the tools to move on and start repairing my marriage what I truly want but the anger always shows up

Help

[Dave]

Dear Tess

Our hearts go out to you as you face the twin challenges of infidelity and coping with mental problems as well.

On the infidelity, take a look at the section on the site on Infidelity and affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) - you will find there some strategies for coping - it does take time, and maybe some couselling for you to be able to handle your anger might be a help.

I wonder if you are aware of the support groups available for carers and spouses of those suffering from bi-polar disorder.
http://www.gtonline.net/community/mindinfo/bipolar.htm has a list of local Bipolar Disorder support groups - there may well be one listed there that is near you. The national umbrella organisation's details can be found here:
http://www.doh.gov.uk/mentalhealthcontact/index.htm
The web site for the Manic Depression fellowship is at http://www.mdf.org.uk
I think they are the best people to go to for help, as they will really understand what you are going through and what strategies will help you cope.

Can you recall the love that was in your heart as your husband proposed to you, and you said "Yes", or as you walked down the aisle to be his bride. In your darkest moments, try to hold that picture at the front of your mind, recognise that he is ill, and needs your love and support - and you may find again deep inside you the strength and courage to go on. It's a long journey, and not one you wwould have chosen, but you have the love to help heal your husband.

With our best wishes

Dave