Open Marriage??

[LisaNY34]

Help??? I have been married for 18 years and I am miserable...my husband and I are just together for the sake of our 11 year old daughter. I have been talking to an old friend who has recently come back into my life and now I am rethinking my decision to stay in this marriage. It is not because of this friend that I am considering leaving, but he is a significant other in my life now. I do have very strong feelings for him, but leaving has always been on my mind....if it isn't him, it will be someone else. My husband knows of this friendship, but insists I stay for at least seven more years...i cannot take this tension anymore...I have suggested counseling so many times, but he thinks we do not need the help of strangers...should I just keep doing what I am doing with my secret life for the sake of my daughter??? Would an open marriage be a solution??? Please help??? Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated!!!:confused:

[Liz]

I don't see how an open marriage can help. If you are committed to each other and your marriage, then it should be exclusive. You will just churn up a whole lot more pain, if you are each doing your own thing. What your daughter really needs is two parents who love each other and her.

If you want to stay for her, then try and do that whole heartedly. You won't be able to do that if you are involved with another man elsewhere. Your husband is not meeting your emotional needs and so you are looking to your other friend for this. It won't end there. Love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/loveis/) is not just about positive feelings it's about choosing to act lovingly, wanting the best for the other.

Why not have a look at the book Divorce Remedy (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/books/divorceremedy/) reviewed on this site.

You could also consider doing a marriage enrichment programme (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/). These are not about having problems but about wanting to strengthen your marriage. When we did our Marriage Encounter (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhres/meang/) weekend, our marriage was a bit jaded and needed a boost. It wasn't about help from strangers but being in a structured environment where we could re-discover some of the sparkle of our original love for each other. We were challenged by the openness of the couples leading the weekend, but the weekend was very much about us working on things together and discovering that there were still possibilities for growth together. Many of us are reluctant to admit there are difficulties in our relationship, but why not look at it from the point of view that you service a car regularly to keep it in good shape and our relationships need that sort of care and attention. You may find that there is still a lot of life left in your marriage, if only you can both grasp the potential that is there.

You will know what it is that is missing from your marriage - communication, an understanding of what love is, communication, understanding. I'm sure there is a key there somewhere that could turn things round for you.

Best wishes

Liz