wifes infidelities

[max]

After 15 yrs of marriage I found out my wife had a 14 month affair,and after that she had sex with another guy twice. And 2 yrs later she went back to the first guy one more time. The first affair started in 1992. She also called the first guy once 3yrs ago and once 6 months ago. She says the calls were to say she moved out of state and to say she is now happy with her life. If its over why would she call? I had reason to suspect of the 1st affair and I told her I needed the truth and she confessed. I have a feeling she would still be having the affairs if we had not moved out of state 4yrs ago, considering the recent phone call. She says she is ashamed and remorseful, and cries alot when we talk. I of course do not have the same respect for her, the depth of happiness we once shared is now gone. I had a few chances to cheat, I thought staying true would be more rewarding. I stayed true to something that didnt exist. It is a strange and distant empty feeling I have now towards her. Like I never really knew who she was. Our future appears to be forever clouded by her long time of cheating and phone calls. Are these signs that we are different and should part ways?

[Kate]

It can be tough forgiving and trusting after an affair. Have you ever had the chance to talk to your wife about why she had the affair? Was there something she was looking for that she hadn't found in your marriage? Or was it simple temptation? It may be that your wife isn't happy, and it would help to find out what she is expecting from you and the marriage.

Perhaps things had got a bit stale between you and you need some constructive time away together. You could consider a marriage enrichment weekend. Marriage Encounter (http://www.marriageencounter.freeserve.co.uk) is available in the States (check the links page on the uk site) and there are others (http://marriage.about.com/people/marriage/cs/workshops/index.htm) in USA doing similar work.

Forgiveness (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/) is important to moving on after affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/). It's not easy, but your marriage is precious and worth trying to rebuild things.

[This message has been edited by Kate (edited 03 March 2001).]