Problems with husband's secretary

[landlc]

Hello...I have been married for 39 years. My husband and I are Christians but I have always been aware that he is drawn to other women who are my exact opposite of myself. I have been a stay at home wife and mother(5 children) and now have 11 grand-kids to help with. My problem is my husband's relationship to his secretary. It is not a sexual one but it is deffinately an emotional one. I asked him not to hire her as his secretary. She was at that time his janitor. At times she volunterred to address envelopes for him and was so bad at it he would show them to me. Then soon he asked her to be his secretary. She immediately let everyone know that she was second in command. As I grew more upset with their behavior she soon noticed . My husband told her of my jealousy. At the same time he told me that he would schedule her hours so that they would not be in the office at the same time. I was very encouraged by this. But what I didn't know was they had out worked out for her not to answer the phone in case it was me and I wouldn't know she was there. She is the one who told me this. He denies that arrangement ever took place and thinks it's OK that she told me this. Even if it isn't true didn't she mean to cause trouble by telling me this story? He tells her things I ask him not to tell. When she became unexpectedly pregnant she asked him not to tell me and he didn't.

[Liz]

This is a case of lack of trust between you, is it not? It is possible that your husband doesn't know how to deal with your concerns and is not reacting very wisely - there doesn't have to be anything going on between him and his secretary. He sounds as if he's trying to be open and not quite succeeding all the time with the result that he is confusing everone. You could sit down and talk to your husband about how to strengthen the trust between you. There is an article on rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) which you might like to have a look at.

Is there anyone at church you could sit down with and talk things through. Sometimes it helps to have a third party who is not involved who can stand back and listen objectively.

Another thought is to get some time away together, even do a marriage enrichment programme (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/), just to give your relationship a boost.


All the best

Liz