An "emotional" affair??

[Unregistered]

Does anyone have anything to say regarding "emotional" vs. physical affairs?

My husband of almost 20 years recently decided that he doesn't love me anymore, and admitted to me that he had been "talking" (without my knowledge) to my former best friend of 15 years who has been having problems in her marriage for several years. They also publicly humiliated me and her husband, being way too "touchy feely" at a party. As I'm sure many of you know, there simply is no worse pain than knowing that your spouse has feelings for someone else.

I have been reading the articles posted on this site regarding infidelity and how to recognize signs that your spouse could be having an affair and it absolutely terrified me how many "clues" applied to him ... he went through a total "mid life" crisis about year ago, after losing a prominent job he held for 17 years. His appearance changed, his attitude went from studious and serious to the "life of the party", started playing tennis voraciously, changed his diet, paid undue attention to his appearance, etc. etc. etc.

I don't know what is worse; the thought that this affair could have been physical, or that he had his emotional needs (and ego boosted) by my best friend, who up until a year ago, was the closest and dearest friend I've ever had. I have never before hated someone in my life, and now my feelings about her scare me. I am so hurt by both of them!

I asked my husband if he could commit to our marriage and he said he couldn't. At that point, I asked him if he was asking me for a divorce and he said yes. (although he never even said the word divorce -I did) He never brought up the subject again, and one week ago, I told him that, although I didn't know what was ahead for the two of us, I wanted to begin by removing the stress in our lives over which we had control, i.e. selling our house. We told our children and we are proceeding to get the house ready to sell. Things are completely amicable and even satisfying physically. He seems relieved to have something to focus on, other than our problems.

In the meantime, I'm wondering if I 'm doing the right thing, giving him time to figure out what he wants. It is the hardest thing I've ever done - this waiting. I can hardly bear NOT TRUSTING him, every time he goes out. How do I handle that?

Please advise me if you have been in a similar situation. Thank you for caring!

[Unregistered]

i know what you are going through. i found out 3months ago that my husband was haveing a affair on me. i came out and ask him and he deny it. he plays in the band on the weekends. so, friday night i decided to go out there and i caught him with a woman in his car during his break. i was so hurt and crush. then he had the nerve to tell me that he was in love with both of us. this woman he was messing around with was the girl of his dreams while they were in school together and she had nothing to do with him then. i told him to go to her if he love her so much and leave me alone that was the hardest thing i have done. he broke it off with her but now she won't leave us alone to work it out. they sleep together but i wish they did because the emontional realtionship hurts so bad. we are working it out and talking about what happen. he relizes now what a big mistake he made but it still doesn't take the hurt away of him telling me that he was in love with her because of the friendship they had. they haven't spoken to each other in 5 years before this have happen. then he found out she wasn't the person she claim to be. if you love your husband give him time but give yourself time as well. working out with him takes a lot of hard work. things are getting better now. my husband is quiting his band. this saturday night his last time playing in a bar. and he is doing this for us to make our marriage work. i hope everything work out for you and if you need to talk just reply to this and i am more and happy to give you my email address. good luck to you and i will pray for you. i tell you want my friend told if you love your husband fight for him and if he loves you it will work out with time and hard work.