HIS bank account

[Unregistered]

My husband and I just married this past february 2002, before marrying we lived together for almost a year. He had always told me once we were married he would add me to his bank account. But now that we are he just flat out refuses!
He "claims" that he has a difficult enough time keeping track of the checks he writes and that it will only confuse things , he also said that we dont have any money issues now and he doesnt want to start any..whatever that means. On the other hand, he has given me his mac/debit card and access number, so if I want to go get something I can. But I am not officially on his bank account, If a store wanted to deny me using it since its in his name, they certainly could.He also just received a credit card in the mail, he never added me as a authorized user or a joint user, just applied for it in his name.
I feel like since I am his wife we should have a joint bank account, and it seems to me that if he insists on keeping it in his name only that he really doesnt comprehend that marriage isnt a "yours and mine" thing like it was when he was single. Am I totally wrong on this? any advice?

[Liz]

It sounds as if there are some issues to sort out here. Are you both working? If so you may choose to have separate bank accounts, but agree who pays which bills. try and do the household accounts together so you are both accountable for the money spent.

If he's working and you are not then you could open a joint account for bills, with a regular standing order to keep it topped up and you could have an account for your own spending money.

Although I personally agree having shared money matters and accounts with my husband since we married, not everyone feels the same way about it.

What is probably most important is for you both to find ways to talk about your attitudes towards money and your feelings about it. It may be that your husband likes to be in control of his money and is finding the idea of changing this genuinely difficult. If it is a matter of his not trusting you then it's best to get it out in the open and try to find a way to build that trust.

When talking about emotive subjects like this, you need to find the right time and to try to own your own attitudes and feelings and to be open to accepting where your husband is coming from even if you don't like it. Accepting that's how he sees life doesn't mean there isn't hope for change or compromise, but don't start your discussions with an exchange that drives him to being defensive. There is an article that might help here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffpressures/moneymakes/)

The first few years of marriage (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthearly/) can be full of these sort of challenges as you work out what it means to move from being two totally independent people into a couple who are open and trusting with each other. it doesn't happen over night, but it's wroth working at. There are some good programmes called FOCCUS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhnonres/foccus/) and Prepare/Enrich (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhnonres/prepinc/) which help you to identify your strengths and growth areas and work on them.