relationship

[XRAY]

Married for a year had 1 child ,life before great now everything going wrong .i finish work i take over ,i do all night feeds ,look after baby 70% of time so she can have her independence back now no sex as she says too tired,but she hardly does anything i cannot do any right she is always on my case what can i do im patient kind and not perfect but trying to understand.....

[Chevycavgyrl]

:( Listen... I hear what you are going through... I am going through that with my husband of almost 3 years. The only interest he has with me is clean clothes and a full stomach... we have two kids... and he helps out a little but not as much as you do with your child. I can see your frustration because the only thing that my husband will touch on is the computer instead of his wife.

You are a one of a kind man and I hope things work out for you. They say the first year of marrige is hard... maybe that is all that is happening with you... the first year rocky road. If you need to talk let me know :)

Chevycavgyrl@cs.com

[Kate]

Can I encourage you to hang on in there. It is a shock when the first baby arrives. So much changes for both of you. I'm not sure that your wife is taking you for granted rather than struggling herself with the changes in life, a little person dependent on her, perhaps feeling unsure about her own abilities to cope, her hormones perhaps still churned up, not sure how she feels about her body, dead tired ( I didn't revover fully my strength until my youngets was five), possibly slightly depressed. Also you haven't had time to really get settled into married life.

You sound as if you are doing all the right things, supporting her, doing your bit to look after the baby, being patient, listening and trying to understand. But suddenly you've gone from being the main focus of her life to being replaced by a third person. The tiring stressful stage of parenting does pass and each season brings fresh challenges, but this one is one of the most exhausting. You might like to check out the Early Years (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthearly/) area of the site.

Our eldest never slept for more than two hours for the first ten months. We were both ragged and bad tempered and tense for a lot of the time. We now have three well balanced happy teenagers and know the strength of our love for each other. You will come through.

Try and accept that for a few months tempers are going to be frayed and you are going to be tired. Try not to judge your wife or the quality of your relationship - try and "coast" through until the baby settles more. Love is a decision we choose to make even when we don't feel positive. I do encourage you to go on acting lovingly towards your wife, it's a precious gift that you can give her. When you're less tired and stressed then you can talk about how you are both feeling about having a family and how the change has affected you.

Hang on in there!

:)