want it back

[amber]

hi
my husband and I had been togeather 15yrs .We have 2 children . 2 yrs ggo he got a job truck driving after a while i was told he was seeing other woman 3 of us . he admitted to it after i spoke to one of the three . I was devastated . we split up for about 1 month .we then got back togeather.Then ayear later we were having problems with fighting over kids and I was having problems trusting him I tried not to bring up the past but when I caught him hed said some really hurtfull things and showed no remorse for what hed done .my confidoncewas really low. He started seeing another woman . that I didnt handle at all I had a breakdown was in hospital for a week . I was released and exepted It was over when he showed up one night begging me to take him back ,I did happily . He split up with his girlfriend . things were great ,then he changed his mind a week later bringing me back to square 1 . He was with the girlfriend again for about a month ,when he decided he wanted me . Silly me took him back then I looked at his phone one night and found a message from her I rang her and asked what was going on . She said they didnt split up atall he was still lying to me . my problem is why cant I stop loving this man and get him outta my head hed proven he wont change he treats me badly what do I do to get over him .

help

[Liz]

You can't just get over the commitment of marriage even if your husband seems to have. You love him, you want him as your husband, you want him committed to you. These are very reasonable things to want. Unfortunately he doesn't seem capable of honest and dependable behaviour at the moment. You can't just let him push you around. if he wants to come back then you need to sit down and agree the boundaries to your relationship and what is and is not acceptable. I'm sure in the past, you had hoped that he had changed and turned over a new leaf, but it obviously isn't enough just to take his word for it.

You might like to have a look at Kate's article on rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) to get some ideas about how to sort out some ground rules if your husband wants to come back and live with you.

Don't stop loving your man, but just as with your children - to love him, you don't have to give in to him. Hope you can find a way to get through to him.

Liz